I'm being accused of "abuse, voilence or harm"

I've started court proceedings as I'm having trouble seeing my two children and I've got the first Directions hearing on 13th April.

I've just received a copy of form C1A submitted by my stbx with the following accusations: (I'm "D", my daughter is "A", my son "B" and "J" is my new partner)

1: "D" I feel is using emotional blackmail on "A" which is resulting in a very upset confused little girl.

Jan 16th - Was a very busy weekend for the children parties and pantomimes so I felt it was better for them to sleep at home. D took them out on the Saturday and "A" returned upset and called me horrid when I asked why she said "J" had told her I wouldn't let her sleep at Daddys.

31st Jan - It is an argument that "D" doesn't want "A" to go to gym as it is a problem for him now he lives 60 miles away on Sunday. Jan 31st "A" came home and she said she didn't want to go to gym any more. When asked why she cried and said what was more important gym or seeing Daddy. This has obviously been said to her by an adult. "A" loves gym and after this incident always asks to go.

10th Feb - "A" had got an invite to a friends birthday party at the bowling centre. "D" agreed to this as it was his weekend. On Weds 10th Feb "D" came to take "A" to Rainbows and said he wouldn't now go as "J" was doing a party for him. I said we would ask "A" together as usual "D" went behind my back and asked "A" when he was alone with her. She came home crying saying she couldn't go to her friends party as she would be later for Daddys party. This is not fair on "A" as she is being put under pressure.

Point 2:

"A"s asthmas and the childrens cleanliness.

"D" now lives 60 miles away with "J" and I once visited the house and was upset to find it was not as clean as I would have hoped. "A" suffers from asthma and dust affects her badly also there are 2 cats who are allowed to go anywhere in the house including the bedrooms. "A" had a very bad asthma attack on returning one Sunday and I had to get my sister out to help me obviously "D" was no good 60 miles away. I told "D" about this and he assured me that they wouldn't be allowed in the childrens bedrooms again but "A" and "B" say they sleep on their beds sometimes.

The children regularly return home dirty and "A"s hair is unkempt. On one occasion "A" came home very upset and embarresed as they had no clean knickers for her and she regularly comes home without socks even in Winter.

Feb 28th- "D" rang to say he had noticed the children had headlice. I was surprised at this as they are regularly treated with tea-tree shampoo and mum had cut "B"s hair on Thursday and my sister had plaited "A"s hair Saturday. I asked "D" to treat them as we were going to Disneyland Paris the next day his reply was he was having dinner and wouldn't have time! How could you sit and eat your dinner knowing your children need treating quick for headlice. "A" was upset by this.

Point 3:

Safety on the road and the children being tired.

With "D" living 60 miles away it means he has to do a lot of travelling to and from work in Leeds. "D" insists its just over one hour which worries me at the speed he is travelling with my children in the car.

"D" suffers from Crohns disease and tires very easily. He has on more than one occasion he has to drink Red Bull to keep him awake while driving. Also on more than one occasion he has fallen asleep at my grandparents house when picking the children up. After a bad attack of Crohns D generally has to take very strong painkillers which he admits he shouldn't drive when he has taken them. He told my sister and myself one day he was so bad he had to pull over on the A1 and rest before continuing to his house. Not very good with two young children in the car. "A" and "B" have both said it's boring always having to go in the car to Daddys "A" said last week she wished Daddy lived closer. The children come back on a Sunday night shattered and it takes a couple of days for them to get back to normal. In all "D" moving away is affecting the children badly but he will not admit this.

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I've corrected most of her spelling and grammatical errors but apologies if any remain.

So, do I need to defend myself from these ridiculous accusations of "abuse"? If so then I have evidence that she is lying in at least three of her examples and most of the other stuff is pure speculation or downright rubbish.

How should I proceed and do I need to worry about this?

Hi Inspirational,

I don't think any of this would wash as 'abuse' in court. However, if any of it is true, you can see why your ex would be worried. Are your really driving your children when you aren't really fit to drive? Have you said to them things like 'what is more important, gym or daddy?' Did you arrange a party for your daughter that competed with a friend's one that she wanted to go to? If any of this is true then I think you do need to think about what that would feel like from the point of view of your children. They didn't ask you to move sixty miles away and they didn't ask you and your ex to split up, and they need to be protected from all the fallout from that, including pressure about where they want to be, long car journeys and missed social events.

If none of it is true at all, then it's another matter, of course.

Best wishes,
Sadie

No, none of the allegations are true although there is a grain of truth to them - for example I do have Crohns disease and my daughter does have (mild) asthma but she isn't allergic to cats etc.

I wouldn't drive if I were unfit to do so for example but I can't prove that either way. I've declared my medical condition to the DVLA and I've a letter as evidence to prove I am fit to drive and they've not imposed any limitations on my license etc.

Her allegations are not being presented in a factual way either as, for example, the incident with the head lice resulted in me treating their hair once I had agreement that they could be returned late - initially I had offered to buy the treatment for my stbx to administer as I know she expects them back home at 5pm on the dot on the Sunday and time was short.

I've a copy of a Facebook message dated 1st Feb advising her that on my weekend with the children of the 13th I was having a party and this was before I was aware of the other party.

I've also never made them choose between seeing me or going to gym club but my daughter is intelligent and old enough to realise for herself that by going to gym she isn't getting to see me as often as she would like.

Only a couple of weeks ago she said to my stbx in front of me that she didn't want to go to gym as she found it boring etc.

I'll collate all the evidence I can to demonstrate my stbx is a liar and present that if necessary.

Thanks.

I wouldn't worry too much. Judges must see accusations and counter-accusations all the time. They can probably tell what is serious and what isn't.

Best wishes,
Sadie

inspirational,

As Sadie says, judges see such accusations, similar scenarios and then some all the time. I respect how difficult this is and also that some "jackanories" can be living hell for those accused. Unfortunately the judiciary errs on the side of caution and recent legislation, as with all good ideas) is open to abuse!

My ex dragged me to court for a non mol on the grounds I had assaulted him after he had assaulted me Fortunately the court could see through the unevidented accusations of my SAS trained ex Not all judges need put out to pasture...good luck!

E

Hi,
I too agree with Sadie that these matters will be considered trivial and easily worked around in court.
I was accused of a hell of a lot more and worse but most of it was practically brushed off by the judge and the worst allegations were eventually seen to be false after investigations were carried out.
You need to construct your statement to counter these silly concerns.
I can't forsee any major problems regarding her complaints.
Good luck.

I agree that most of these are likelty to be seen as fairly trivial.

In responding, try to keep your response as factual as possible and where you have evidence, attach it (e.g the letter from DVLA re: your fitness to drive / the facebook message)

Although it is difficult not to respond in kind by commenting on her behviour , if you are able to focus on the factual issues and not on personalities this will help, as the Judge willl take into account your percieved attitudes to each other, as well as the specific allegations being made.