Custody question

Dunno about Canada, but in the UK, when you stand up to a bully, they tend to fall to pieces.....

Say no more

Mike

Hope you don’t mind me throwing in my two pennies worth.

I would guess your ex see's your application for custody as a bad thing. Something that turns him into a second class parent. Perhaps he is filled with worry and anxiety, I would be.

You are not 'standing up to a bully', you are dealing with the parent of your child and some sensitivity would not go amiss.

Is there no common ground that could be reached? Why can't you both share custody but keep the parenting times the same? Or better still, why not withdraw the application and simply be two parents working together?

We've tried to find common ground but he is always threatening to not take the kids or not pay support when he is angry and I can't live like that. We can't work together, all we do is fight now since we've split up.

zonked,

it is very rare that I comment on contact / residence / access. Mainly because they are hugely contovertial.

However,
were it the case that sweetseraph's former partner / husband was denied access, or did not have reasonable access, I would agree with your position.

The youngest child is 8 months old. She has been separated 6 months. He moved the new partner in 5 months ago. He is still working full time.

Were it the case that he had chosen to take time off from work to facilitate his new found parental commitment, I would have been more sympathetic towards him.

However, he still works as he did and is expecting that new woman (who we don't know how much or little parenting she has done) will take care of his 8 month old for a week at a time.

Is he really looking out for the best interests of the child, or is it a sour grapes position?

If new woman has no experience of children, let alone babies, is she really in a position to give their child the best start in life?

Young children need consistency. A 5 month old relationship is hardly that is it?

Do we have any idea what the nature of the issues that led to this position are?

Is Dad a drunk? a compulsive gambler? a drug addict?

We don't know.

But what we do know is that a 8 month old child is the victim of the parents disagreements

When a contact arrangement has worked well for 5 months, why is there a reason to suddenly change it?

Becasue the root causes of the breakdown of the mum-dad relationship have been brought to the fore?

In conscience, I could not have left a 3 month old with their mum to forge a new relationship. But that is me. I don't know the circumstances. But neither do you

If I jumped ship from my marriage, I would not be challenging my former wife's desires for her child to be in a consistent care environment.

It simply isn't in the child's best interests. They are who matter in all of this crap.

Mike

Mike62

It could be that the father, mother or both have personal flaws; as you say we don't know.

The application for shared custody is not necessarily the same as asking for 50/50 shared care. Even it was that's not necessarily a bad thing - Id say the father and his new partner are on exactly the same learning curve as any new parent. Personally I think the father's proposal is workable and in the long term beneficial.

Anyway, shared care is not really what the father wants. His application is a response to the OP applying for sole custody. What he wants is for the application to be withdrawn or for custody to be shared. He wants to remain on an equal legal footing.

The OP and her ex obviously have their disagreements. Sole custody is one way to silence any dissenting voice. But does that make it right? I suggest the best chance they both have of resolving their differences is by being two parents with the same legal rights. If one parent assumes total power the possibility of compromise, agreement and mutual respect fades.

Zonked,

I am not asking for sole custody. I am asking for joint custody with primary residence with me. The custody arrangement we have would stay the same, just set in stone so that he can't decide one day that he wants to change it to something that suits him better. He has opted not to take the kids on a Saturday night so I can't go out or so he can go out drinking with his new girlfriend. Why should I be left to bend how he wants when convenient to him? I let him have access whenever he wants as long as I don't already have plans. He rarely asks for them anymore. He just takes them his once a week.... it's sad.

Like most other posters here, I suspect, I don't know enough to advise about Canada. However, I have heard of judges in the US and England awarding shared residence in fairly substantial amounts for a trial period on the condition that each parent cares for the child themselves and doesn't rely on others. In every case SR was dropped by the father before the end of the trial period!