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Directions Appointment... Please Advise!!

  • Honesty
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08 Apr 10 #196946 by Honesty
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Hi all,

I am new to this site and this is my first thread.

I have been asked to attend a Directions Appointment in relation to contact order, specific issues and prohibition steps order next week. stbx is trying to go for everything. Daily contact every 2 weeks has been maintained with no problems over the past few years but was cancelled until further notice because he breached one of the conditions set out by my solictior in the contact agreement that was sent to him, and now he is taking me to court for overnight stay. A very complicated history, I have informed him that I do not have a problem with this if he has acquired his own place to live and explained daughter cannot live in the environment he lives in now because he still lives with his mum and 5 other people in a 3 bedroom house, truly I have daughters welfare as a concern here.

I have been nothing but reasonable with him even taking into account that he has never contributed to maintenance for his daughter since she was born, I have been the sole provider... also claiming that I have took daughter out of the country without his knowledge or consent, when I have always asked him before I book any tickets, I think he is also forgetting that he has given her some spending money when we went.

I cannot take my solicitor as she is asking for £1000 upfront, something which I cannot afford at this moment, so I was thinking of going by myself.

Also received a letter from CAFCASS yesterday as stbx has requested the court involve them.

Please can someone advise what is expected at this hearing and how best to prepare myself for it?

Can I make an application for any order for him to pay some money and also contribute towards her school fees, which he verbally agreed to do last year?

Will the court look at the fact that I have been the only provider for daughter and she has never lived in his home?

I can't believe he is telling all these lies, he has been nothing but controlling and bullying and I have been nothing but fair.

Thank you in advance for any advice.

  • zonked
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08 Apr 10 #196985 by zonked
Reply from zonked
Happy to help, a little confused though.

Your ex saw his dtr, during the day, once a fortnight, for the past few years. He then broke a 'condition' and had all contact stopped 'until further notice'.

He has now applied to parent his dtr alternate weekends and your fine with this, provided he buys or rents his own property as his current family home has '5 other people in a three bed house'.

You feel '..he has been nothing but controlling and bullying and I have been nothing but fair.'

Have I understood you correctly?

  • WhiteRose
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09 Apr 10 #197146 by WhiteRose
Reply from WhiteRose
Hi Honesty,

I know you said there is history with the relationship etc. however can I just raise a point on this:

I have informed him that I do not have a problem with this if he has acquired his own place to live and explained daughter cannot live in the environment he lives in now because he still lives with his mum and 5 other people in a 3 bedroom house

I do agree that his situation is not ideal, however if your daughter isn't in any danger (violence, neglect etc.) I don't really see how the living situation applies. Apart from there being a few people in the house - what is it you fear?

As the contact your stbx has had so far has gone OK (apart from not meeting a 'condition') surely the next stage would naturally be overnight.

It seems you both have some outstanding issues (him not contributing financially as verbally agreed) Has he given any reason for this?

To be honest its so much cheaper (as you've found with the £1000.00 upfront quote) and emotionally better to agree on this together or through mediation - is this a possibility?

Welcome to Wiki - we're a friendly bunch and no doubt will help you on this rollercoaster as much as we can!


  • Honesty
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15 Apr 10 #198446 by Honesty
Reply from Honesty
Hi zonked,

apologies for the late reply, things have been stressful, had my Directions appointment yesterday and was busy trying to get my head around things.

In relation to your Q, please see the clarification below:

Yes ex saw his dtr, every alternate saturday from 11-6 and there was a condition my solicitor laid out that she was not to go to his mothers, brother's and sisters house and for her not to have contact unless i agree in writing.

Yes he applied to the courts for a Contact Order, Specific Issues Order and Prohibition Steps Order. He still lives with his mother in her home, his brother wife and 2 children also live there, I am very worried about sending my daughter there because she has never lived in that house. I have come out of an Asian arranged marriage and was living with him in his mothers home and left when the little one was 6 weeks old. I sufferred alot at the hands of his family and my only fear is that my daughter will also suffer the same. I know i shouldn't think like that but looking at my experiences in that house I am very woried.

He is nothing but controlling and bullying, all he ever does is send me threats and more or less tells me how things should be. Meaning reasonable and fair, I have to date always allowed him contact with his daughter, provided for her everyday needs both emotionally and financially and he has never once offered to contribute anything, this really hurts and then he makes me out to be the bad one.

Yes you have understood me correctly and hope i have clarified the situation for you.

On my hearing yesterday, the judge did not grant Specific Issues and Prohibition. I was advised to reinstate the contact to which I agreed and Cafcass are now going to be involved, I don't know what will happen from this point!!! I think there will be another hearing in 4 weeks time to discuss this, I represented myself yesterday as solicitor wanted £1000 up front before doing anything and this was something that I could not afford, but I think I might take one with me on the next hearing as it was not a nice experience, ex was not very nice to me yesterday.

  • Honesty
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15 Apr 10 #198449 by Honesty
Reply from Honesty
Dear White Rose,

Please accept my apologies for the late reply, as mentioned previously I have been quite busy with work and sorting myself out for the Directions Appt which was yesterday...

In relation to your questions...

My fear is that she might be treated the same as I was, it was the most horrible experience and I felt like I was living in prison. I give my daughter everything she needs and most of all unconditional love. Through my experiences, people (other daughter in laws) and children in that house have always been belittled, husbands very controlling, this is what I fear.

This is what the judge was asking yesterday and ex said he will give up his bedroom for daughter and he will sleep on the couch, I guess he accomodated for her needs here, the judge told us to go into a room yesterday and try and discuss things between us, ex was so rude, telling me what should be decided and did not once talk to me in a polite way. Everything I tried to say he ignored. I explained to him that we need to discuss these things together but he just ignored me. We went back into the courtroom and when the judge asked if we managed to discuss the issues, I told the truth and stated that it wasn't a discussion, he told me what he wants and never let me say a word. ( I really don't know anymore... I have spent nearly 7 whole years trying to create a stable and safe environment for daughter and ex has not once tried to offer to help or show any interest, this really breaks my heart)
I have mentioned that if he was to have a place of his own then maybe overnight could be agreed but living in that house puts fear through me.

He will ignore anything I mention about finances, I'm sure he too has a duty, I have mentioned this to him many times and he has just ignored me, he will not discuss anything.

We met in November 2009 when I thought things were going well and explained that it is not easy to bring up a child by yourself, he said he understood and would help me, but like before, he is full of lies and never keeps his promises. Mediation is not possible, as he will just ignore that too.

Thank you for your Welcome message, wiki looks like a good place and a way to express feelings and get some advice.

Thank you White Rose!

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