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court outcome

  • ROLLERCOASTERRIDE's Avatar Posted by
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16 Apr 10 #198671 by ROLLERCOASTERRIDE
Hi All,

Well i was in court yesterday with my stbx and to say that it was horrendous is an understatement, as most of you will know from my previous post's i am going through a very acrimonius divorce.

so the CAFCASS report came back and it was quite clear that our boys were very angry with dad therefore had said that they did not want any contact with him, their dad has not made any attempts what so ever to contact them in the year that he has been gone from the family home, in the report was also lots of very cruel remarks that my ex had made about me and lies.

so yesterday we arrive at court and my sol ask's me where i want to go with this, i suggested that my stbx should have indirect contact with the boys untill they feel ready to see him again, so that is what my sol told his sol before we went in to see the judge, to my amazement his sol sat there and announced to the judge that my stbx is withdrawing his application for contact and has decided not to fight for it, his sol then went on to totaly slate me she even called me a monster and said that i had poisioned our boys against their father and that i was the one that was causing emotional harm to our boys, i was gobsmacked, now i know that his sol is there to defend him and obviously she believes all the lies he has told, but to call me a monster and speak the way she did about me is discusting, then to add to that his sol then announced to the judge that i have a male living with me and i am cohabiting, utter rubish she said that my stbx was concerened for the welfare of our boys as he does not know who this male is, well i wish someone would tell me who he is as i have no idea, the judge then said that this is a completeley different case and did they want to get social services involved, with this they backed down as they would have a job trying to find out anything to do with the invisible man, i am realy sad that he had to go to these lenghts and what for just to give up on his children.

I have at no point stopped contact, i have at least 6 emails in which i sent my ex offering to help him sort things out with our boys, all of which he totally ignored, now i feel so sad for our boys, sad that their father felt he had to do the things that he has done, sad that he has just given up on them, what i would like to do is send my ex an email and ask him to keep trying by maybe sending the boys a text message once a week to say hi, the boys probably wouldnt reply but if he keeps doing it they hopefully will eventualy, but i know that if i do this he will then just probably say that i feel guilty (which i dont as i havnt nothing to feel guilty about )and still continue to blame me for the boys not wanting contact.

so there is now a Consent Order being drawn up to say that no contact will take place untill the boys are ready, be that this year, next year or never, the judge also adviced my ex not to bombard them with letters or gifts and just to be there for when they do decide to see him. (our boys are nearly 13 and 14 )

so thats it! and today i am feeling very deflated and very sad for our children.

  • mumof5
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16 Apr 10 #198674 by mumof5
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I just want to say im really sorry about what happened in court

My ex did the same to my dd.he took me to court for contact was given indirect contact which he hardly bothered with, was given supervised contact which he just refused to go to and didnt bother informing the centre so dd and i sat there waiting,then was told to go home and after 9 months of going to court he admitted the only reason he wanted contact was to keep some control over me and to also find out where we were staying[dv so not allowed to know]

Its been 33 months months since she has seen him and he now has a no contact order

Its very hard but you will all get through this..take care

  • mumtoboys
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16 Apr 10 #198675 by mumtoboys
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Hello rollercoaster - sending you a big hug.

It's done. Ridiculous behaviour from his solicitor (and what madness to invent a boyfriend at this stage!) which doesn't actually add up with him withdrawing his application. I feel quite sure the judge saw through it.

Your boys will come round given a bit of time. Be as upbeat as you can about their dad (not easy!) and be positive generally. Make it clear that by seeing him, they're not betraying you in anyway. Encourage them to send a Father's Day card, birthday card, Xmas card and acknowledge any other days (paternal grand parent's bithdays?), events, holidays etc. that may be important to your family. If he sends gifts for birthdays etc. make sure that they send a thank you if nothing else. That's polite and the right thing to do and yoru boys will appreciate that when they're older.

You have done all you can. be pleased for your boys that they have had a mum who has held things together and been there for them. Maybe you could open a bottle with your Mr Invisble this evening?! At least he won't complain if you have one too many!

  • Elle
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16 Apr 10 #198676 by Elle
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I am so sorry for you and your boys that their Dad is doing this....it will hurt like hell and for a time. Your being there and reassuring them that you love them dearly may not seem much, but it is. Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself, these situations take their toll on our energies and emotions.

As for your exes sol, yes defending their client is their job, however to treat you like this is unnecessary as well as unprofessional...not all solicitors feel the need to behave like this...but I do respect how this makes what is already a difficult situation worse. The worst part is over, now you need to pick up the pieces...take care.


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16 Apr 10 #198682 by ROLLERCOASTERRIDE
Thank you all so much for your lovely replies, i cryed myself to sleep last night because my heart was aching for my boys, but i know that i have to pick myself up now for their sake and for my sanity, obviously i didnt tell the boys that he has withdrawn i just told them that he had said he will back off untill they are ready to see him, i have always had their dads mobile number stuck on the fridge door incase they ever want to ring him and there is nothing else i can do, but it does hurt when someone tells the most dreadful lies about you and i had to sit and listen to some truly awful things being said about me to the judge, it did knock me for six and made me question myself last night, but i do know that i am a good person and have always been there for my boys and i will continue to do so until i die, my ex has made some terrible desicions and i just hope that one day he will look back and regret the way he has treated us, but im am not going to worry about what he thinks or his sol, like a friend said to me last night, they mean nothing to me they are not an important part of my life, my world will not end just because of some nasty words, i know who i am and i have to try and remember that old saying? sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

mumtoboys you did make me laugh about the invisible man, ive had a word and he's up for a few drinks tonight, but the tight git is making me pay for the wine lol :laugh:

Roller xx

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