I'm just so sad

Heavens! I just dont believe it!
Was in Residency app with abusive x
X didnt want Finding of Fact too much evidence/ witnesses etc
X saw children alternate weekends to be extended to Fri Sat Sun night all in agreement with myself / children Pick up from school Fri drop off Mon all good
Just attended hearing X said
'No I dont want to see them alternate weekends, only 12 nights a year ... No more. 1 night a month not even every 4 weeks just every calender month!
Judge stunned
What do I tell the children?
£15,000 Endless sleepless nights
Why? How could he?
Go for Residency Then nothing
Absolutely devastated
Please can someone tell me what to make of this?
How could anyone be so cruel?
The children thought he just really loved them.. Now I sadly think it was to just hurt me financially/ emotionally
I'm so sad for my children

hi, but weirdly i can see where he is comming from. mine a little different, i am seeking a shared order wih my children, i didnt agree to have kids just to see them the "standard alternate weekend" i want to be a part of their lives, but ex insists its the "standard contact" i am going through the court procedure and hope to gain more time with my children, however if i dont then i can really see me saying you are doing everything possible to stop me seeing he kids then have it your way, im not goig to spend the next 12 years battling with someone who evidently doesnt want me in their lives. i know this is a selfish attitude but i cant have the kids seeing and knowing that we are always at logger heads. yeh in 20 years time the kids dont care how many nights they spoent here or there, but i am a father and i want to be a father and a dad, not a mcdonalds dad. so if it doesnt happen, yeh my toys will get thrown out of the cot but im not putting myself through the stress of it all which would no doubt be an early grave:S

My parents divorced 12 years ago, and they have been at logger heads ever since. Has this had a profound affect apon my life, yes. Please Please just find a comprimise that both you and your x agrees with, and don't bare grudges (easy to say I know), put your children first. Going through a divorce is tough, and contains a lot of blame. As a reaction two people who once loved each other, know how to wind each other up better than anyone else in the world. However personal diggs at each other isn't going to help your kids.
If your x only wants 12 nights a year because thats what he can deal with fine. In time if the children want to see him more and its not his weekend, whats stopping you?? Be flexable for your children, maybe he doesn't want to feel like a failure if he promises everyother weekend and can't do it. It's better to be consistant. I'm sterotyping a lot here but I'm guessing that you looked after the children most of the time whilst you were a couple, so he's also having to deal with learning to look after the children on his own again which is daughting.
I'm not making excuses for him, but sometimes a few cival conversations can work wonders, just don't take anything too personally. You children are lucky to have two patrents who want to see them, just don't make that what their lives are all about.

Hello

Just wanted to respond that i know how you feel. My ex took me to court over an 8 month period last year to have contact with dd and he admitted that he did not really want contact it was just to be able to know where we were and i think still to be able to have control over me

Dd did not want contact[she had witnessed the last assult] but i offered phone contct to reopen the contact between them[he had not seen her in 2 years,his choice] and he never really managed this.

My ex has missed out big time but dd is a happy little girl

im truly sorry for all of you