Risk of \"No contact\" being ordered?

First my question, then some background...

Question:

The mother will only consent to a Contact Centre. She is now claiming that contact with me at the Contact Centre is harming our son's development. The current Contact Order is by consent only. Am I facing an interim "no contact" order while CAFCASS reports?


Background:

Directions Hearing #3 is next month. The sol for the mother has now written to me following 3.5 months of silence since Directions Hearing #2. The key points made by the sol are as follows:

1) The mother is entirely opposed to an increase in the level of contact or contact being moved out of the Contact Centre.

2) The mother claims that I have made no progress in developing a relationship with our son during the 5 months at the Contact Centre.

3) The mother claims that the lack of progress is due to my inability to bond with our son. She also claims that I am entirely dependent on her during contact.

4) The mother claims that contact with me is now having a detrimental effect on the development of our son's social skills, as the upset he experiences at the Contact Centre means that he is now refusing to leave his mother's lap at nursery.

5) In spite of all the above claims the mother states that she is committed (in principle) to my son having a good relationship with me. However she will be asking the DJ to order CAFCASS to assess my interaction with our son in order to identify how best to progress matters.



Since the mother took our son a year ago it has been obvious to me that the mother does not want contact and hopes that I will eventually give up.

A lot of what has happened in the Contact Centre is my word against hers. However I can prove that outside of contact the mother has rejected Court-ordered mediation. Also, despite the concerns that she now claims, she has ignored or rejected my attempts to initiate direct and amicable dialogue.

Hello MMS

I'm not an expert on this but a couple of things have sprung to mind while reading this.

1. Are there any workers at the contact centre who are around at the time of contact who can observe and comment from a neutral point of view. You say it's her word against yours and I take it she is present while at the centre and you are not able to bond with your son in your own way. IMO you should have the chance to see your son at the centre without any interference from the Mother. How old is your son?

2. If this is referred back to court I would say that no contact at all would set you back months. Suggest to the judge that you maintain telephone and/or written contact in the intrim period.

I hope someone else with more knowledge on this kind of matter can comment better for you.

Hope it all works out!

Mummymoo

Thank you.

My son just turned two so written and telephone contact will probably be beyond him. Good idea though.

We attend two contact centres. At one the volunteers are sympathetic, and think the mum should be more supportive of our son while he adjusts. The other centre is much less sympathetic, they think our son is just clingy and needs very tough love. The mother got that centre to push through changes that she wanted, our son ended up vomiting from anxiety and hates goign to that contact centre now.

Am no expert but wanted to throw in my two pennies worth.

1. An order by consent is an enforceable as one made via a contested hearing. More importantly it has established a status qou of sorts. I think that the ex would have a hard time at the next hearing withdrawing the contact center.

2. If CAFCASS are doing a report it makes no sense for the ex to withdraw all contact. What would cafcass then observe or assess?

3. The letter sent to you may be intended to illicit an angry response in order that they can paint you in a negative light, be very careful here.

4. Contact at a center is a very artificial environment (as opposed to say, a family home), for short periods, with lenghty intervals between contacts. If anything your sons reported distress points to the need to move contact away from the center to normal environments and to increase the frequency of your parenting.

5. Your son's emotional wellbeing needs to be seen in a broader context. Growing up without a father would leave a huge hole in his life and could be devasting to him. Whereas, having a father could be a huge lifelong benefit.

My suggestions...

1. Have some proposals ready for the hearing as alternatives to the contact center:

for example - move contact to your home
- use local parks
- have midweek visiting contact
- if some form of supervision has to occur use a relative or failing that a childminder.

You may well get nowhere with the proposals but each time she knocks them down she will appear that more unreasonable. Also, by giving the judge alternatives you make it easier for him to 'compromise' by turning you down but ordering the continued use of the center.

Your ex seems a piece of work, you have my sympathies. May I suggest you contact families need fathers - they provide excellent advice and support.

Good luck!

Thanks, mate, all very reasuring. I think you replied to one of my posts in 2009 and you suggested FNF then. I joined and have a McKenzie. However, I am weary of burning him out so still making use of the forums both her and on FNF.

Your welcome. A good McKenzie is worth his weight in gold, again good luck.