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CONTESTED HEARING-custody battle for 4yrs old girl

  • bobes1
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09 Mar 14 #425207 by bobes1
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Hello all,

Since last year I’m having very nasty custody battle of my 4 years old daughter, so far I had 4 hearings and another one on the way (contested) next week. To date I have been the resident parent of my daughter and there is a Contact order in place providing for my daughter to have contact with her father for approx. three days and nights each week. I should like to make it clear that up until these proceedings were issued my ex-husband had paid little interest in providing a direct caring role for my daughter. Since our separation however he seemed to be focused on ensuring that he ought to be considered as the primary carer for and wish my daughter to diminish my role.

We had the CAFFCASS Officer involved and he recommends that the share residence should be put in place. My daughter is due to start school in September and so it is imperative that a sustainable routine is put in place for her prior to this. I have seen first-hand how sudden changes can upset her and my wish is to avoid this when she is in school so that she can concentrate and enjoy her time there.

I in no way wish to stop my daughter having contact with her father as I believe that it is very important but this need to be done in a way that is in my daughter’s best interest. I’m proposing that my daughter has contact with her father on alternate weekends. Depending upon my ex-husband arrangements, this could be from Friday, after collecting my daughter from school/child-minder, right through until Monday morning. I also recommend that my daughter have some contact time with her father during the week but not overnight. I would therefore suggest that following the weekend where my daughter has been with her father that she has after school contact with him twice per week so that her father collects her from her child minder or school and then returns her home later in the evening. Following the week whereby he does not have contact, I do recommend that my daughter have contact with her father three evenings in the week being collected from her child minder or from school and then being returned to me later in the evening. This would allow my daughter to have quality time with her father on weekends and overnight contact but also to have additional time during the week where she would be able to have dinner with him but would also allow stability for her by returning to me as she will be going to sleep and waking up in the same bed every night during the week.

The home that I currently reside in is where my daughter has grown up and is familiar to her. She has all of her belonging there with her. At her age I believe that it is a key to sustaining a happy and contented childhood. . The constant movement during the week has taken its toll on my daughter and she is suffering as a result. It has had a great impact on her behavior, for example, causing her to wet herself during the night which in turn has led to some medical issues. The constant movement is also causing her to vomit from the stress and this is not good for her health
On the other side my ex-husband is proposing that my daughter is staying one week with him and one week with me, so she will don’t see one of us all week.

I have also forgot to mentioned that and my ex-husband and I lived together until last year October and during this time he was forcing me to sign four different versions of an agreement to sign that I agreed that my daughter will reside with him. It is important to understand that I was upset and shocked following our separation and for a long time still very much loved my ex-husband and wanted to make a go of the relationship. I did. I felt extremely low and bullied whilst still residing in the same house as my ex-husband as his consistent behavior towards me and threats against me as to what he would do if I did not abide by his wishes and recommendations had an effect on me.

I have also found out a big amount of correspondence between him and his family. The most disturbing thing about the messages is that his mother not only talks about him kidnapping my daughter and them finding a place for him to hide where no one will ever find them as well as making suggestions as to how to dispose of me. It is recommended that my ex-husband put a thin piece of wire at the top of the stairs and call me so that I fall and trip and it is the end.

I also giving court an audio file recording evidence where he is continually bugged me about me moving out of the property and he even goes as far to talk about being prepared to die for my daughter but then saying that if he was put in the position where somebody had to die he would make sure that it was not him. And he also destroyed my daughter’s passport.

I know that I have written down long letter, but did anyone had a similar case before? And does anyone think that court will take my residence order away or agree to his proposals one week with him and one week with me? I’m really worried ….

Thank you.

  • Rumplestiltsk1n
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09 Mar 14 #425218 by Rumplestiltsk1n
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I came across these and thought it would explain about shared residency/care.
I have shared res of my two and they are flourishing. It doesnt suit everyone but i have found that by staying child focussed, they benefit from two happy parents



  • bobes1
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10 Mar 14 #425358 by bobes1
Reply from bobes1

Thank you for your reply and do I do understand, but I think in my situation this type arrangement will never work. My ex-husband want to be in control of everything, therefore we will never agree on something and we will be going back and forward to court. Its very difficult to have any kind of communications with him as he sabotages and refuse any suggestions I ever make and any agreement regarding our daughter would be difficult to reach. Every single issue is escalated into a massive problem as I only have best interests of our daughter in mind and to avoid as much disturbance to her life as possible where as ex-husband doesnt care about what kind of impact will all this have on our daughter in the future.

He already tried for 18 months to let me sign an agreement where I will pack my bag and leave our daughter with him. His family was giving him advice how to dispose me etc.....

So I don''t think it will really works..

  • Besselsleigh
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08 Mar 15 #457566 by Besselsleigh
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Hello. Just found your thread, hope and yr daughter are fine.
My Story is the same as yours, I double checked it was note who posted it.
So I went to Court, the order is my daughter lives with me and father has contact.
Unfortunately he is unemployed so he will see her every other day, standard every other weekend, half of the holidays. But there is no overnight contact during the week. I feel very relieved by that.
So in cases like these just hope the court would be reasonable and the child will not be divided as a piece of furniture.

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