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ex has revealed mental illness

  • FatherForever
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02 Apr 15 #459068 by FatherForever
Topic started by FatherForever
Hi

We are due in court on Tuesday for a Directions hearing regarding contact arrangements. This is the second time as ex is moving house

CAFCASS safeguarding letter reveals ex claiming she has "suffered from stress and anxiety and been on anti-depressants for 3 years."

We separated 3 years ago but the inference is that I am the cause of her illness.

I was aware that she received treatment for depression after the first child was born and again after a redundancy.

Her father suffered a mental breakdown when she was a child.

Certainly, some types of depressive behavior could explain some of her more colorful moments.

I am concerned at the implications this has for our children''s health, her ability to cope, and her honesty. Why has it been concealed for 3 years despite court proceedings and CAFCASS safguarding reports?

How best to raise these concerns in court on Tuesday morning?

Please do you have any thoughts?
Happy easter.

  • Forseti
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02 Apr 15 #459069 by Forseti
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Show me a parent who hasn''t suffered some degree of stress and anxiety following the loss of their relationship or as a result of legal proceedings. It doesn''t necessarily impact significantly on their parenting.

Show me a parent who has not suffered depression following redundancy (I am not aware of any link between depression and increased dishonesty).

If you have only become aware of a three-year mental health issue through the CAFCASS report then it is clear it is being managed effectively - why should she tell you about it?

He father''s breakdown is immaterial.

I doubt any court would be any more sympathetic to you if you try to use this against her than I have been.

On Tuesday you need to be child-focused, accept that your ex is the mother of your children and will continue to be a parent to them, and demonstrate to the court that you respect that; draw up a detailed parenting plan which involves both of you in your children''s lives and which can be turned into a CAO. Keep it all focused on the needs of your children and put any issues between you and your ex to one side.

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02 Apr 15 #459076 by Action
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I imagine a fair proportion of us all on here suffered some degree of reactive depression as a result of our marriage break down. I certainly did, the same as I did after the sudden death of my Mother some years before.

  • Lostboy67
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02 Apr 15 #459077 by Lostboy67
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Hi
I''ll put my hand up to having suffered depression through the divorce etc. It did not make me a bad parent. I did ask my psychologist what would be the impact if my illness were raised in court. I was told that there would be very little impact because I could point to the fact that I had recognised my condition and was seeking help with it.

Why has it been concealed for 3 years, well it is hardly something you take an advert in the Times to announce.

LB

  • FatherForever
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03 Apr 15 #459162 by FatherForever
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I am sympathetic and do not wish to stigmatise those with mental health issues but I do think that it may be legitimate for a court, considering the welfare of the children to be paramount, to wish to find out more...

Considering recent events involving mental illness and patients concealing their illness, it would seem to me careless not to make some enquiry...

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03 Apr 15 #459163 by Lostboy67
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mental illness covers a wide range of conditions. You will be on potentially dangerous ground bringing this up and effectively casting doubts on your ex''s parenting ability.
Consider also that depression is said impacts 1 in 4 during their lives...it has little regard for salary , occupation or social standing. So some judges and magistrates will also suffer and most will know someone who does. If you start casting accusations around its probably not going to go well for you.
If the details are in the CAFCASS report then clearly they are aware and if appropriate could be taken into account. You would do well to follow Forseti''s advice.

Your observation about recent events is quite offensive to those who have or are currently suffering depression or other mental illness, and you wonder why people find it difficult to talk about their conditions.

LB

  • Vastra1
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04 Apr 15 #459169 by Vastra1
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Depression and anxiety are part of the human condition and are very normal consequences of this incredibly sad and stressful process - it hardly qualifies as a mental illness in the sense that mental health professionals use the term.
I would regard it is a positive thing for your kids that your ex sought help. It would be really inappropriate to imply that she is a dangerous or inadequate parent because of this.

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