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Family Court Hearings for over 6 years

  • borofel
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18 Feb 16 #474414 by borofel
Topic started by borofel
I have been taken to family courts for the last 6 years by my child’s BP. My child (R) is 7. I have never stopped contact, have always encouraged it and always tried to help. I have hundreds of emails to prove this. The BP lies in court and so does his solicitor even making up whole scenarios that have not happened. The family courts only want to progress and are not really interested in the history, which I kind of agree with as we need a way to move forward. On the other hand I am constantly blamed by the BP and this is stressful in the courts as I am LIP. Luckily the courts are slowly realising (I think) that I am trying to get contact to work and the BP seems to want to make contact fail (I am not sure if he does but do not have any other explanation).
At contact the BP hardly speaks to R and on occasion shouts at her. We used to have supervised contact at a contact centre which I arranged to make the BP see R. Contact has progressed to a local soft play centre and I use a third party for handover to the BP. R used to appear to accept playing alone for the 2 hours contact time. R has been saying for about a year that she does not want to see the BP anymore as she gets a bad feeling when she is alone in the soft play centre. She says that the BP stares at her and he doesn’t give her any food or drink. Luckily the staff at the soft play centre always make sure they give her a drink and I have learnt to feed her beforehand. For the last batch of contact sessions ordered by the courts the BP has actively refuses to take R into his care at the soft play centre and R has refused to go in. The BP is already inside the play centre sitting at a table and when R is taken in to the soft play centre he does not get up from there. He sometimes stares at R and sometimes does not even look up. The BP blames me for this even though a third party is used. He still apportioning the blame completely to myself and sends me emails to me questioning why I do not take her back to the soft play centre as this is what I must do. The court order says I can use a third party. I am of the understanding that I do not have to take her back to the play centre myself as I have already made sure she is available for contact via the third party? I also understand that the BP can make R attend contact but does not have to accept R when she gets there if he chooses not to? I have watched this sad situation deteriorate over the years and as R is getting older she is more adamant she does not want to see him.
At every opportunity the BP says I am at fault for not encouraging contact etc. I do encourage contact all the time much to the distress and upset of R. The BP was ordered at my request to have one meet with a neutral party in attendance so we could discuss options. At the meet he would not suggest any ideas and only criticized me. He agreed to communicate via phone. He has since gone back on that agreement and said we must return to emails. When I email he does not respond! I have offered another meet but this is refused.
I am back in court next month but the situation is much worse. The courts are going to expect improvement and the BP is going to blame me. It’s a never ending circle.
Sorry if this is going on a bit. It is only a small part of the sad situation we are in.
Any ideas anyone?! Or anyone going through similar?:)

  • wishfulthinking
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20 Feb 16 #474467 by wishfulthinking
Reply from wishfulthinking
Wow! Ok,how about stopping...the emails, the indirect communication, the direct contact? No more communication or handing over of info or attempts to make things work...no more fear of what a judge would say.

Stop fighting to mould a relationship together when there never will be one? Just take a step back and stop being so involved. You are being played and controlled by your ex.

And yes I have been here. And it went brilliantly once I stopped worrying about my ex and the children and court.

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