She simply refused to allow me to go proper 50 / 50

Hi there,

My ex unexpectedly claimed CMS against me after I was paying the mortgage on the family home, mediation and other loans.

Previously I was seeing my kids 5 nights a week.

When I got the CMS letter through I told my ex (via email) that I want to see the children 7 nights a week. ie a proper one week on and one week off kind of thing.

She refused to accept this, she exclaimed "you can't simply change things" and I said "you can't simply decide when I can see my kids". It was that kind of war of words over email. Anyway, I stupidly relented and pay an awful lot of money to her when she has the kids 2 nights every alternate week more than me.

My kids love and miss me dearly, I have text comms with my eldest who was more than happy to come stay me the full 7 nights etc.

My query is - can she do this? Is she "allowed" to dictate when I can see the kids?

The CMS were extremely unhelpful, the young chap asked me "Do you have a court order?" I said no. I replied to him "does she have a court order?" and we went round in circles.

Any help on the above would be great, thanks.

Is the CMS amount that much more than the mortgage you were paying on the FMH?

When you say see them do you mean they sleep over? It's where they sleep at night that decides CMS amounts.

Who claims child benefit? That is a big decider when it comes to CMS too.

You don't really give any details of how old kids are, what domestic arrangements are, schools what you each do for work etc so it is very difficult for anyone to comment.

Hi Wyspecial,

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Apologies for the poor information!

The CMS amount is approx 75-100 less than the mortgage of FMH. My ex has now taken over the mortgage (since I started paying CMS).

When I see my 2 kids, they stay with me overnight at my rented property. Yeah, CMS defaults to alternate weekends. I do a lot more than that. My ex has them 1 week and 2 nights. I have them 5 nights (out of a 2 week period).

The ex claims child benefit she always has done but never told me. I think I am the only idiot on the planet who was not aware of child benefit and she claimed it for 15 years without telling me or offering to pay for any children's clothing, school trips / school lunches /after school care - you get the picture

My ex works and I work (both full time). Although the pandemic has caused some complexities I work from home and she is furloughed. When it was "normal" we both picked up & dropped off the kids to the relevant (different) schools.

Cheers for any assistance!

Look at the positives. You are now paying less by paying CM rather than the mortgage so have more money to spend on kids.

You don't say how old kids are but one must be at least 15 judging from the CB claim o it won't be for long.

Kids that age tend to vote with their feet and stay with which parent they want when they want. You may find they start staying round more frequently.