So the guy who my X had an affair with was also a friend, we split in Aug. They are now living together. When the children are with me (50/50 share) she calls them every night. It a pain but I tolerate it. However the ''lover'' comes on the phone every so often because the children (4, 4, 9) sometimes ask to speak to him.
I know that I should be more tolerant of this but I see this guy are having a 50% in why my family is ripped apart and the fact that he was also a friend. I know that I should put the children 1st and all that. But when I hear them talking to him it really effects me and I have to walk out the room and try not to get angry. My 9 yo notices this.
Iv asked the mum to not let him speak to them several times and she says that he is part of their life now so they have a right to speak to him. Iv explained that its very difficult for me but she just ignores it.
Are people in a similar situation? Not sure what to do
I agree with Stepper but I actually don''t blame the new partner, I actually blame your ex.
As Stepper said, there are times when the ''step parent'' needs to step up but there are also times when they need to step back.
I''m soon to be ''step mum'' (I actually don''t and won''t call myself this name) and I don''t agree nor feel comfortable being apart of my fiance''s phone calls with the children. I just tell my fiance to tell the children I said ''hi'' and that''s it.
If you are a hands on parent who has a close relationship with the children, which in your case you do, I personally think your ex should kindly be reminded that there is no need for her partner to ''step up'' in cases like this.
My fiance''s daughters have a very close relationship with their mum and for this reason I do not feel the need to be ''mumsy'' with them when they stay overnight at ours. Yes we are apart of each others lives and I have a great relationship with them but it''s more of a friendship. I step up and support my fiance when needs be, but other than that I stay in the background.
I certainly don''t think you are being unreasonable in feeling this way. I''d consider having a firm but fair word with the ex about this and see where that leads.