his responsiblites are?

I have agreed that our children can stay at his new home even though it hurts deeply that "she" will have them.
However their house only has 2 bedrooms and is open plan downstairs.
I have suggested that it is not appropriate for our 13 year old boy to sleep downstairs and that either they do or they have our daughter 6 in with them. This is not accepted by my ex who is saying that our son must sleep downstairs and learn to accept it.
Also can I stop her from picking up/dropping off at school and can I stop one of her friends - a male prostitute - from having access to my son?

Sounds like a soap opera!!I'd if I wasn't so:(

Hi madabout,

I would say that whatever suits your children best is the right thing to do, whether it sits well with you or him doesn't really come into it.

Whilst they are in his care, you just have to assume that he takes the correct approach and responsibilty for them, after all, he did whilst he was your husband so there should be no reason for that to change now he's not. He has the same level of interest in their welfare as you do, and by that you should expect him to back you up that contact with any prostitute is not appropraite for children.

As for the sleeping arrangements, children can be flexible over things like that, like when they have sleep overs, they dont necessarily sleep in their own room in their own bed but cope ok with it. Maybe a pull out bed is more suitable, but I think on the whole is this a major issue in the short term for a 13 year old boy. Does your son have any issues with this?

Regarding travel to school, it must be painful for you to accept, but as long as the children are happy about her taking them and they arrive safely is it really an issue worth arguing with your ex about?

From what you say, your aren't comfortable with it and understandably so, but its best in the long run for your children to see as little complication as possible between you and their dad. From the many postings on here you will see that things can easily spin out of control and relationships can become quickly destroyed and much pain and suffering follows for ALL concerned, particularly the children, and its really not worth it in the end.

Thanks for the logic - will try and bite my tongue! Besides which a teenager in the lounge when your not used to kids is going to really annoy her! (sorry bitchy comment alert!)

Madabout,

Believe me, we are all biting our tongues until things are finalised, its just so damn hard too do and so frustrating!!!

Im sure that it wont be an easy ride for the the new partner as you say, its hard enough being the parent of a moody teenager never mind the "step" mum!!

Enjoy your time away from the kids for a few days, do what you want to do. Oh.. and when its pouring with rain this weekend and they've got two kids on their hands to keep entertained, sit back, enjoy the silence, and have a little smile to yourself!!