Contact

Hi,

Supportive or not - thanks for the reply.

I am firmly convinced that no one person is right all the time.

Fact is, my wife has wanted to leave me for three years and hss put me through hell knowing how much I love her, but this would never be enough so whatever I did, I would always fail.

What she didn't count on was me finding out about her boyfriend - now I have and we are at defcon 4.

In the last 16 years I have been 100% loyal and the underdog - now she is seeing the practical side of me rather than the emotional side and this is going to cause issues.

Mike

Hi tiesys,

I wish my X2B showed the voracity of need to see his children as you..but perhaps in some ways I am glad.

But Tiesys you are so raw and bitter and your Son sees it..

Your wife left you and in my mind did the most unthinkable, split the children up, your Son must be going through hell and as you watch him mature you see that hell..you reflect on it and are lost in your own nightmare of how to resolve it..let alone with your absolute need to be with your girls.

I have to agree with another posting..Your Son is showing his absolute loyalty to you, how can he show a need to see his Mother or admit to it or even think that there is a need when his father hates her with a passion.

We do make and shape our children, your Wife has done a terrible thing to your Son..Ok I know it has torn your soul apart too..but the main crux of all of this is you just want a healthy balance for your children don't you? How will you get that if you cannot balance your emotions with practicality.

Children are not the tools to fight your battles with..your wife did wrong but is trying to make it right, (if but in a rocky way), your Son has shown no interest in seeing her and I think that suites you. One point up to you. But the negative effect is she will resort to using the girls as a bargaining tool, One point down to you.

The time has come for you to talk to your wife. Get it all out in the open and the both of you need to stop surmising about what the other is doing or thinking..knowledge is a powerful bargaining tool..ignorance is bliss.

She left you..she wanted to leave you for three years..it hurts..that's why we are all here, we all have our own stories some less painfull some more..but the irony is we have an equal need for that pain to end.

You are an adult with stong emotions, but you have the ability and intelligence to know that one person in an argument needs to back down to a compromise if any form of balance, if not perfect can be reached.

It is not a sign of weakness to compromise but a strength.

I have a feeling that you perhaps should aim to have all of the children with you for visits as a family unit..work on their relationships with each other and yours with them, (this will be very positive for your Son and you)..then let that reverse,(when your son feels ready)and they all go to the X2B's..quality time for you quality time for her and you both get a weekend off or two at least from it all.

Sure it is going to be tough going for you, your Son and your X2B..perhaps easier for the girls..

But don't let the siblings become rivals too.

I do look forward to your reply!!

The only trouble is she has now decided that I cannot speak to or see my girls again untill the courts have decided I can.

Furthermore she has not contacted our son for over twoo weeks now; she is working away this weekend so won't contact him then either I suspect.

She has done nothing but aggrivate the whole situation.

I am at my wits end; she told me she wanted a divorce (before I knew about the other guy), but did nothing about it. I offered councelling (refused), I begged her not to split the children up.

No, she has decided to cross petition because "she doesn't agree with my claim of unreasonable behaviour".

Let me see:-

She left 9 months ago
She broke my childeren up
She doesn't phone her son and excludes him from any kind of family activity.
She has now stopped me contacting the girls and the girls contacting me. As a result of this, my son can't contact her either.
Etc, etc, etc

What exactly does she see the above as being ??

Mike

hi mike, she seems really bitter & she is not helping herself by cross petitioning your divorce petition, its just stupid to do so, its a no blame game so pointless.

You need to get your solicitor on her case with regard to your right for contact with your girls.

Commonsense should prevail, her solicitor wouldn't be encouraging her to act this way.

Good luck with it.

I'm only sorry that I seem to have foreseen this.

I will be honest with you I'm not even in the court system yet.so could never profess to knowing what you can or cannot do at this stage..

Perhaps someone else can step in on that point. She is an adultress but you petitioned on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour..so you feel stupid because you could have tripped her at the post, but instead you gave her an angle to make even more of a mess of things for you.

My only hope for you is that you keep your head and keep on the straight and narrow.

Use the advice anyone can give..don't throw it away if it does not agree with you..

Because it is not happening how you hoped, is it?. Sure you had no choice and had no crystal ball at the time you completed the paperwork..

I wish I had one for you..come back to get going again and use us all to prop you up.

Regards Sal

I suppose with hindsight we would all be millionaire's.

I always told her the only reason I would ever turn my back on her and give up all chance of a future would be if she found someone else.

She has (it's common knowledge), but her and her new best friend are denying; as such, the only way I could divorce her was on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.

She is a complete control freak, and now I am beining to drive this, she feels like she has to do anything to hurt me financially or emotionally.

As far as I am concerned, my priorities are to sort out access for me to the girls; I will continue to ask my son to keep contact with his mum, but I won't force the issue. She can do with the issue of contacting him as she wishes.

The only other area will be that of finances; which quite simply be a bloodbath.

What a laugh life can be (not for me though).

Mike

Tiesys,

It's not worth going down the unreasonable behaviour route as no one likes being thought "unreasonable" and she will want to defend it. Ask her if she'll admit to the adultery and go for that. Explain to her that the divorce is an administrative procedure and morals/fault do not form part of the process. Also see if she would agree to mediation to go over the bits you cannot agree about. If she's obstinate you won't gain but you won't lose anything either. It is worth a try.