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Does she have to go with dad?

  • murraymint
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24 May 07 #387 by murraymint
Topic started by murraymint
My 4 yr old has refused to go with her dad (we were divorced 6 months ago) for some weeks now. He got a g/f and she seems to be the reason. When I asked him to spend just a little time alone with his daughter instead of plunging her straight into this woman's world together with her 3 older children, the g/f became abusive and threatened to beat me up (this was in front of my child and she was terrified) and she has refused to go with them since. Ex lives with g/f - he met her and moved straight in. On the contact visit prior to the fight, they had also taken from my child all his side of the family's easter eggs and birthday presents, and my child was devastated. When she next saw her dad and realised the g/f was in the car she got straight back out and ran to me, hence the fight. Ex now saying he will physically drag her from the house next week and that he might not even bring her back at all to me (he blames me for "poisoning" her which is really not true).
Daughter has not been staying overnight at all with her dad since we split, and ex not been paying maintenance to daughter since he met new g/f - I have involved CSA but he is just evading them. This is causing most of our rows as I am just over the limit for legal aid but only work 16 hours and he won't pay for anything for our child at all, and neither will he spend a penny on her on the contact visits he HAS had her for. DOES he have a right to force her to go with him when she clearly does not want to and is afraid? Please help anyone who can!

  • Dockley
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25 May 07 #389 by Dockley
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This all sounds unpleasant for you but are you sure the reason she does not want to go is purely because of the g/f? It sounds like she hasn't really had much chance to decide either way. Could it be because she associates going there with upsetting you/her dad as she has seen you fighting/arguing. If you wish to avoid contact with dad in the g/f presence then you could try a contact centre where you wouldn't even have to see him at all but thats not really a nice situation to be in for your daughter. My sister's child was also 4 when a similar situation arose and she did the contact centre thing, and now a year later wishes that she'd just tried to overcome the differences instead. I realise that this may not be possible in some circumstances but surely contact with dad in g/f presence must be better than contact with dad in a room with strangers. Of course if your daughter is scared and doesn't want to go,then she cannot be forced to.
Hope you can resolve things

  • mumof2
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28 May 07 #448 by mumof2
Reply from mumof2
Hi there,
I was in a the same position as yourself when I first seperated although not to begin with.
Partner had affair with family friend and she not allowed contact with the girls, things esculated and due to him wanting money from my biz he became verbally abusive in front of girls his partner became very violent and injunctions served. Contact stopped and he fought for money for a year before going for the ds, Out come he has 1 d every two weeks for 3 hrs and the older refuses to go CAFCASS and mediation both seen the fear in her and have not recommended it. No contact with his partner no contact at their propery all because they could not move on with their lives.
My advice would be keep record, dont put words into her mouth or ideas into her head, have a witness with you when contact is to take place and if he does become nasty in front of her, Get your witness to remove her from the situation and call the police if it becomes threating.No child should witness unreasonable or abusive behaviour from either NRP or PWC.
Good luck and keep those notes

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