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Child hating me

  • chatsworth08
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21 Jan 20 #511130 by chatsworth08
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Hi guys. Well I'm back on here again for some positive advice.

My 12 yr old boy hates me. He won't see me, txt me, call me. Nothing at all, except when it's anything to do with school, sports day, parents evenings I get a txt saying do not attend. With swearing and angry emogi pics.
Since July 2018 I haven't seen my son. He says I've got road rage, I should ask his permission to go to his school for anything. I know what I'm entitled to but his rage towards me is so...... Angry. !$ (types of emogis I get from him).
I supries him once on sports day, he wasn't there, later that day I rang him along with his mother next to him. I asked why he wasn't at his sports day, they had words and he then said I should of asked his permission. I said nicely I don't need his permission, he said nastily, I DO..

Deep down I know it's not him speaking, he's been told (manipulated) by his mum. She's been doing it for years.

So now I'm the worst dad and father in the world. At Christmas and on his birthday I drop a card off with money in it. I don't even get a reply. Nothing. Well this year I did have a txt saying thanks for money. That's all in 18 months. No thank you or anything. On my birthday or Christmas I don't get a merry Christmas or anything. I even give him a card saying brilliant term, good results and drop off a card with a few penny's in it. Again no reply at all. I txt him from time to time, again no reply. I txt his mum to ask him to txt me, she replied with..... I can't make him txt you. And if you come round it willipset him and cause problems.

So I've left him alone because he's doing brilliantly and school. Good marks, excellent reports. He's brilliant. I've also stayed awY because he's getting on fantastic, so he gets good results and I don't annoy him by texting him hello or how are you. I'm frightened I case I lose him.

I think I've lost him already. He's all I've ever wanted. His mum hates me for still being here for him, although he's not interested in me.

You see it was much of the same thing when her mum split up with her dad when she was young.
Many people have said that to me.

I guess it might be hormones and boys things. 12 nearly 13.
Theres nothing I can do about the manipulation over the years, she never been fair where my boy is concerned, she just says don't cause problems just let him be a boy and leave him alone. It'll cause problems.

If I txt her ask questions as to what's going on with him, she doesn't reply sometimes, and says just let us be. She shows him the txtxs I've sent. Then he gets back to me in an angry way. So I don't txt her anymore.

So I have kept away in case I hurt him more and he'll never come back to me.

Can someone give me some positive advice please.

Will I have to wait till he gets older?

I'm worried Outta my skin that because of the manipulation he'll never ever see me again.

Will he figure it out for himself.?

They're so close that he won't want to see me again for fear of upsetting her?

I really don't know what to think.

Worried I've lost my boy.

Chatsworth.

  • Vigorate
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22 Jan 20 #511137 by Vigorate
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Sounds like you are doing a great job letting your son know you are still there for him despite what must be extremely difficult circumstances.

I would try to do the same as you are doing under such circumstances (i.e. reach out on birthdays and xmas) and hope he sees things clearly for himself at some point in future.

Not sure what else can be done really and you need to look after yourself too...maybe someone else has some suggestions. Good luck.

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28 Jan 20 #511211 by Rossm3
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Its heart breaking reading this. He doesn't hate you at all and by the sounds of it you are being a great father to him with what limited ability you have.

If it we me I would continue to do what you are doing as this shows you are interested and you have been there as much as you can.


Also keep records of everything you have done and continue to do, this way when the conversation comes you can say look, I tried my best with evidence.

Unfortunately he's still very young and will be heavily influenced at the moment.

This will not last forever, your still his Dad no matter what and you WILL have a good relationship with him.

Don't give in or give up ,your boy will be back with you soon :).

  • john194235
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28 Jan 20 #511225 by john194235
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Feel for you Chatsworth.......

In roughly the same situation and the last few weeks I feel like giving up...in my case I am pursuing through the courts, which itself is also a painfuly slow process.

Keep doing what you are doing, implacable hostility is painful and damaging, and in my eyes a serious form of abuse to you and your child.

Its so sad that you are losing part of your own child growing up and are not there to see it.

All you can do is hope, be there for him and do the best you can whilst he grows up and matures.

One day things will change and he will see things in a different light and its how we react and look for, and understand those changes to find the best time to step in and reignite that relationship....

Dont give up!!!!!

  • chatsworth08
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19 May 22 #519326 by chatsworth08
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thank you so much.
good luck to you as well

bill

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19 May 22 #519327 by chatsworth08
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thank you so much.
I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

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