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Who has the children?

  • moonstar04
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30 Oct 07 #5524 by moonstar04
Topic started by moonstar04
On my statement of arrangements I have put the childrens situation schools and home will stay the same. Now if I get the house at teh end of it all great, but if my partner gets the house then not so great.

I was just wondering how many fathers out there have the children live with them permenantly and their ex's just have shared care and contact every so often.

Is it always the mum that gets the kids? Or is there now an equal divide with fathers now looking after the children with acceptenance of such situation with their ex's?

Brittany Spears is a classic starting point I suppose who does not have custody of her children.

  • Monitor441
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30 Oct 07 #5526 by Monitor441
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There are no hard and fast rules, it all depends on what you can agree between you or if you don't agree, what a judge decides.

In approx 90% of cases, the mother is the parent with care (PWC) and the father is the non resident parent (NRP) but care can be shared or the father can be PWC and the mother NRP. What is normally decided is what is in the best interests of the child/children

You will have to give more details to get opinions about your situation.


  • Tinny
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30 Oct 07 #5527 by Tinny
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Hi Moonstar
Brittney classic? I think most people are in a different leaque...thank goodness.

Anyway I suppose it all depends on circumstances. My kids live mainly full time with their father but then maybe my circumstances are completly different from yours.

What is best for your kids? Thats the important thing. I left my kids with their dad because it was the best thing to do at that time. I completly underestimated the extent of his current malice towards me. I now have overnight contact with my youngest but it has been a long road and Im not at the end of it yet. It didnt have to be like this. From the start I suggested a shared care arrangement but he said no (like the computer).

Why will it make a difference who gets the house/the kids? Who has been the main carer for the kids?

Maybe you should post a bit more detail for a better answer.

Take care

  • sexysadie
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30 Oct 07 #5531 by sexysadie
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If it goes to court then who gets the children most of the time will depend on what is best for the children. They take a number of things into consideration, including what the children want if they are considered old enough to understand the process (ten year olds would be counted as doing so, at least), and keeping siblings together.

I think more mothers get to be parents with care but then more mothers are still main carers in our society so it is hardly surprising.

Some people have equal care arrangements. I know a couple of families, for example, where the children have alternate weeks with each parent. In at least one case one child 'officially' resides with each so they can each get child benefit for one child. You have to be on at least civilised terms for this to work, though.


  • Sera
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30 Oct 07 #5536 by Sera
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moonstar04 wrote:

Brittany Spears is a classic starting point I suppose who does not have custody of her children.

It's not very typical in British courts! I think dear Kevin was already the primary carer? Whilst Brocolli Spears travelled the world pole-dancing.

However, I think she lost her rights because she kept failing the stringent drug tests the US courts demanded.

Which of you is currently the PWC??

Also, the house? what have you agreed? The PWC will usually stay in the MH whilst bringing up the kids. It doesn't deny part ownership to the other partner, but they may not be able to force a sale until youngest 18. Unless one buys the other out.

If you post as much info as poss, someone will give you a better idea.

  • rdcox
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02 Nov 07 #5722 by rdcox
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I've just been awarded joint residency with myself as PWC following a near 6 month battle. Basically, my ex-wife had set me up with an increadibly devious masterplan which involved her, having worked away for 18 months setting up home with a new man whilst coming back to me at weekends. They had even gone so far as to arranging a purchase of a new home, new schools etc - this was over 100 miles away from our FMH. Basically, she had me arrested for "assault", took the children away, had them in a new school a day later, cleaned out our bank accounts etc, while I was stuck in a police cell!

In a nutshell, the children didn't want to live with her (2 girls 9 & 6), but to stay with me and continue at the same school etc. The courts made her return the children and we continued a shared residency where they could be with me during the week and for her to have them at weekends. I have to say that CAFCASS were excellent towards me and my family but at the end of the day it was really down to the children being adamant that they wanted to be with me - as far as parenting goes I did most of it anyway and the workload as a single parent isn't a lot different to what I was already doing.

Anyway, got this sorted out earlier this week in court, the ex not happy and hasn't paid me any maintenance, contributions to mortgage or school fees etc since August but that's a whole new fight. She was given access every other weekend plus 50% of school holidays plus I agreed to let her have one day of one of my weekends as well to get her to drop the fight.

So, in conclusion CAFCASS will try and support whatever is best for the children - it does help if you have strong family support as well. So men can "win", I may be an exception (but then again so is my ex-wife!).

Hope it works out for you.

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