Help

My husband has an existing medical condition. He has been asked back by his GP for 4 further test and this week I have been asked to get him to go to the surgery. He is refusing to go make an appt he simply won't go. His health is becoming a major factor in his reactions towards his family. Bipolar disorder has been mentioned due to his existing medical condition been connected to a 49.7% chance of suffering this.

He will not acknowledge that his physical and mental health has any bearing on how he is currently feeling and that this can cause a negative effect on what for the past 19.5 years has been a loving & successful relationship and family.

He first became emotionally distant towards me which if he had stopped loving me I could partially understand.

However the children were upset in front of him this week for the first time our 15 year old son asked dad point blank to come home and try again. Our 11 year old daughter told him she liked it better when he was at home. But he stood in the door way as though he was a 'zombie' did nothing said nothing and the children were then looking at me then their father. There was no reaction at all from him.

I am worried about his refusal to see a professional about his health as he could get worse and he will have access to the children.

Our daughter got upset again last night as he was dropping off our son so I asked him to see her and he said about a wall that was being knocked out at his parents so she could have a single bed there in the room he is using as if it was some kind of positive. When he had gone she said that she wasn't bothered about staying at her nanas she wanted dad to come home.

I know her wanting him home is only natural but up until his fairly recent 'strange behaviour' it was a happy family with the usual ups and downs

He seems to be missing the point that the family including myself want to help and support him in the family home. I cannot undertstand why he won't see the GP who clearly thinks there are issues.

Has anyone been through a separation like this where their husband is unwell but doesnt think they are?

Oh dear, I'm sorry about your predicament. Separating is difficult at the best of times without added complications.

People with these types of conditions describe it like a secret world running alongside the other one. The two worlds start getting in the way of each other and they become tired of being hassled by everyone. Unfortunately you are probably correct your husband is missing the point, or rather he is unable to see the point at the moment.

Mind and the National Institute of Clinical Excellence have useful leaflets available on line and your GP should consider supporting the family, including the children, if you ask.

I feel for you. My x2b has mental health issues in my belief. He drinks excessively, has a compulsion to gamble and has suffered depression on and off although he rarely gets treatment for it. He is unwilling to accept that he has any problems. Sadly, I had to make the hard decision that i could no longer live with him. I had to think of my 5 children after trying and trying over the years. He continues to cause me emotional stress by his actions and I am worried when he has the children for contact. Until he accepts he has a problem, nothing will change. I wish I had some answers, but sadly I am struggling as to how best deal with my situation. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that you can stay strong for your children and your husband.

I feel for you also there are a small number here who are going thru this my X also is a vetran drinker and I finaly gave up trying, in the end x left of own accord, has his own family spoken to him

Can I say thank you to all who have offered help. My Husband does not have a drink problem, gamble or take illegal substances and has not had an affair but he does have fear for some reason of going to see the gp and is unable to tell his gp everything that is going on in his life.

He has been really kind and reasonable since I wrote this message He keeps coming round and doing DIY bringing some money for us. But he says he needs a bit more time when I asked him does he miss us as a family.

Since I asked him to leave about two weeks ago he has been round every single day so really how could he miss us?

He has been sat watching TV with us but then goes to sleep at his parents who have been no help at all. I have asked them to see if he will go to the GP but they said they don't want to get involved all I have asked if they would help their son not get involved in our marital issues.

Yes, it's important to recognise there are differences between psychiatric illness which are thought to have a combination of biological, enviromental and genetic causes and psychological injury caused by drinking, substance abuse, brain injury or exposure to trauma. Personality disorders are something different again.

witsend, I don't mean to pry, but can you tell us a bit about the circumstances that led up to you asking him to leave?

Since end of May begin of June he was generally not himself and hasn't been since complaints from his team members at work in May this year which had to go an investigatory level. He had been having disturb sleep patterns and I was getting tired. Since about 2nd week of Sept He was sleeping in a different room and he kept having mood swings saying his head was messed up and he kept crying but he wouldn't go and see the GP it all seemed very odd. He wanted me close to him then not. It might be worth noting that as well as epilepsy he suffered a head injury and was knocked unconcious as a result about 18 months ago I just wanted him to get help but he wouldn't so after I asked him to go.