Advice appreciated - methods of varying an order

If you go down the collaborative law route and it fails - you start right at the beginning again with the Court route.

Hi EA,

I think if your partner is the Petitioner you can apply to the court in your area.

Best wishes,

NWTT.

Thanks,

WW - Exactly! So what would be the point...? Other than to show the court we were willing NOT to litigate AGAIN.

NWTT - He was not the Petitioner in the original proceedings. Is that what you mean? If he issued fresh proceedings to Vary then he would be the petitioner of that action.

By the way I scanned that PDF and it raises all my old fears about the minefield that is variation. It is like going to war and being told upfront that you may reach the other side of the war field and slay the enemy but there will be landmines, armed helicoptors and ambushes en route! Hmmmmmmm the system needs changing methinks.

I would like to hear more about your proceedings and experience if you would like to share via PM?

Thanks again,

EA

Hi EA,

Have sent you a PM.

NWTT

NWTT - Right back at you!

Hi Enough already. Sorry to hear of your situation. Having read it I would suggest you go to court straight away if you genuinely feel you have a case. If someone is unwilling, after 10 years to go to work, you can be sure that they will not be reasonable or collaborative when it comes to negotiating around money. As the others have touched on, you will then be at square one, more time, money and stress. I am not sure if this helps but I think firstly you should concentrate on your partners mental health issues and try and get him to see someone. Life is far more important than money that we would rather not pay even when it is unfair. It seems to me that unless you can prove with evidence that your partners mental health issues directly affect his ability to earn then it might be opening a can of worms you wish you hadn''t once you start the process. I guess there is nothing stopping you putting a proposal forward for a new Consent Order with an end date to the other party and hope for a reasonable response without disclosing anything, in the spirit of fairness following what has already been agreed. That way you should not become unnecessarily involved either. Lastly, it is a tough one as you cant change anything unless you confront it, but sometimes we can change the way we think about a certain situation to make the situation more palatable and over time the irritation will fizzle out. Otherwise if you go for it, get good legal advice and all of the evidence you need to back up your application because it doesn''t sound like either yourself or your partner can handle too much more stress. Wishing you both positivity, strength and happiness

Hi Cherub

Thanks for your reply.

We are still currently weighing up whether a variation would be advantageous at this point in time. We would offer possibly a round table meeting in advance of any court action rather than MIAMS or Collaborative law I think as there is not a lot of chance that would succeed with the other party and we would be back to square 1 plus costs.

To be clear, she does work approx 20 hrs (we think) in a low paid job. She should be looking at full time employment and could reasonably earn 2-3 times more than she currently does in a job that is not a 2 minute walk from her home (where she is currently).

Partner has listened to advice and has seen doctor thankfully.

A porposal of a new order is not something that can be done, one can only seek to vary the existing order as I understand it and from that any agreement would form a new CO. I don''t think fairness comes into it sadly - it is back to court with each party fighting tooth and nail for what they believe is their due.

Sadly the irritation will not fizzle out as each year the sum increases with no end in the short term so it must be confronted at some point - it just a case of timing it appropriately.

I second your suggestion of good legal advice. We all need that but often do not get it!

Thanks for your well wishes.

EA