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How many homes do they have

  • DrDaddy
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28 May 12 #333545 by DrDaddy
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Enuff Already wrote:

after all the comments on here I guess I won''t tell them anything.

What you read on here is advice - but you should make your own judgement. It seems like you have a pretty good handle on things.
They probably think of your place as home already, whatever words anyone tells them to use/not use.

  • 7doughnuts
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28 May 12 #333546 by 7doughnuts
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Enuff - I really feel what you are saying and why you asked the question. I''m in a very similar position but with no overnight stays which makes it very difficult (I''m currently going for a contact order).

I don''t have the answer but it sounds to me like you are doing the right thing and only you can make the judgement of what to say and when to say it. I''ve had so many heartbreaking converstations with my daughter when she questions me about some lies her mother has fed her with. Sometimes it''s best to put them straight (like you I will never say a bad word against the mother to my daughter though so requires creativity), other times it''s best to tell them that different people see things differently.

I think what gives me strength is that I have been that child and been told the lies and manipulated, but even I remember questioning these things from an early age and not believing many things. I fully respect my dad for behaving the way he did and have a much better relationship with him now.

Even though I don''t get to see my daughter enough I take heart from our relationship when we''re together and hope that any lies or mind games are left when she leaves her mothers front door, it at least seems that way.

You sound like you''re doing a great job and your kids are lucky to have you and the home you provide for them.


  • MrsMathsisfun
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28 May 12 #333556 by MrsMathsisfun
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Enuff, if they ask again, just say its doesnt matter what I think, what do you want to think?

No mention of mum and giving them permission to decide.

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28 May 12 #333560 by Enuff Already
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Mathisfun: Sounds the most sensible thing doesn''t it.

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28 May 12 #333567 by MrsMathsisfun
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Your children will make up their own minds. Mum can play all the games in the world but the children will understand the true situation.

They are asking questions to make sense of it all, just make sure you dont play into mum''s mind games.

Deflect deflect deflect!!

  • mumtoboys
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28 May 12 #333576 by mumtoboys
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MathisFun wrote:

its hard, my partner had a slightly different version which was when they lived 50/50 shared care. The children precieved they had no home. Just daddys house and mummys house.

this was my experience when the ex and I first split and we had a 3/4 days a week arrangement. They were just being ferried between two houses and didn''t seem to have a home - it was always a reference to ''your house'' (not ''our house'') or ''daddy''s house.

We too have had a change in the pattern of care and they now do seem to see my house as home and daddy''s house is now ''daddy''s'' without any further label. It''s possibly just time which has eased things for them and had them become more comfortable? who knows?

  • hawaythelads
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28 May 12 #333595 by hawaythelads
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Easy. Point scoring exercise by your ex unfortunately.
I tell the kids no matter wherever you are or how old you might be one day remember you have always got a home with me.
Now there a bit older I also tell em a bit jokey well I know I paid for all the homes.then they laugh and say she well mugged you off you muppet.
But then the general belief on here is to hide everything from kids.I never did and works out well.
All the best
Pete x

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