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Erosion of children contact

  • aboy
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08 Jun 12 #335714 by aboy
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Thank you kindly for the experiences and recommendations - I know that there are distinct agendas by my former wife to limit and frustrate contact. On surface I would never use that line of argumant although it is a compelling reason for her having to take my children 170 miles away - I followed and set up nearby - went through endless children hearings and 2 trails just to get where I am. At the beginning she refused contact and I had to wait several months before even seeing my boys. I have left a full time job, gone flexible in a self employment capacity to demonstrate that I am near to children, can alter my work commitments to meet children, and provide at same time. As the children grow older I hope to have more time.

I really want to have children by collecting from school on Friday and deliver back to school on Monday (instead of Friday evening to Sunday evening) and want to convert the midweek evening, when I don''t have the children (alternate weekend) to an over night too.

I think the varying of the contact to accomodate the changes to incorporate children activities and to be able to take the children to their activities during contact time myself are excellent suggestions.

I have no communication apart from solicitors - no mediation, no emailing, no speaking, occasional short SMS texts - all refused to make it difficult for me. To start allegations of ''she is deliberately doing this'' may be counterproductive and maybe I can use this to vary the contact to make it more frequent and flexible around the kids. Certainly my work arrangements will allow this.

Contact has to increase or at least stay the same - reducing the contact time under the guise of children activities is not acceptable. Trouble is that if I take the line as above it will be met with immediate refusal - I can only try - I am never gonna give up, never ...

  • zonked
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08 Jun 12 #335720 by zonked
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In your shoes I would def apply to vary the contact order. It''s something you need to do sooner rather than later.

If the final order is less than 12 months old your looking at a C2, if over a year another C100.

Would be senisble to write a concilliatory letter to ex''s solicitors setting out your proposals, stating your hope that agreement can be reached and asking they take intructions from their client.

As part of your preparation you need to start putting together child centered arguements to support each change. For example collecting the kids from school would:
- allow more parenting time,
-demonstrate to the kids that you are involved in their wider school life
- avoid kids exposure to conflict during handovers

Also, consider what changes have happened since the orginal contact order has been made that demonstrate why it no longer reflects the childrens current needs.

  • disneybunny
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08 Jun 12 #335724 by disneybunny
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Contact with the NRP does diminish over time as children get older infact so does contact with the RP as I found with my teen some weekends I never see him.

however I would not expect it to become a problem until the children are in secondary school and have their own true social lives. The courts even make allowances for children to choose to reduce or cut contact altogether.

Weekends are tough most activities, parties and such fall on them.

  • mumtoboys
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08 Jun 12 #335727 by mumtoboys
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aboy - if you live near enough, please go down the road of ''great the children have activities, happy to accommodate those activities within my contact time with the children''.

I have three children, one of whom is not yet in school. Our record run of weekend birthday parties was 6 in a row. I dread to think what will happen when the 3rd one starts as well! At some level, children have to accept that they can''t attend everything because family stuff gets in the way - that goes for children who are from separated families as well as those who aren''t. But I don''t personally buy the ''father''s time is sacred and should be compensated for at all costs'' argument. My time with my children at weekends is also sacred to me - the rest of the time I''m running around like a nutter trying to fit everything in. I really wouldn''t take kindly to being told that only my weekends should be used for the children to attend activities or other special events and dad can have his free from this part of parenting. It''s an unpopular view, I know, but one that in my opinion moves you closer to ''shared residence'' than the ''not at any cost'' stance that so many seem to take.

  • aboy
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08 Jun 12 #335728 by aboy
Reply from aboy
Many thanks - as mentioned I think this is a guise to challenge the contact arrangements - but the whole issue is opening up the whole concept of children contact - its been just over a year since the last trial - gonna play this cool - child centred arguments are really great as mentioned above so thanks - feeling calmer - she has got me nervous because every time the next contact comes around there is always some issue or something so I''m never completely confident that contact will go smoothly - hope my boys don''t feel the same - very anxious at handover - in a supermarket ! Even CAFCASS were critical of this but courts try to take middle line - must keep spirits up . . .

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