Supervised Contact is a form of domestic abuse.

This is a struggle. There is suffering all round but if you are prepared to sacrifice the truth in return for court sanctioned access to your own children then you are doing the generations of fathers who follow us no favours.

Look to the examples of Aung San Suu Kyi and Nelson Mandela. The state offers you concessions in return for renouncing the truth. Whatever the personal cost you must say no for the greater good.

None of you should accept supervised access or the imposition of restrictions on your time with your own children by the state unless you know that you have done wrong.

The state should only have the power to remove parents rights when they can prove abuse or risk.

When allegations of DV are made there is no presumption of guilt, rather the courts cannot ignore the allegations until they are proved. Therefore the allegations are treated as though they might be true as a temporary measure whilst investigations are carried out. Although the waiting can be frustrating realistically I don''t see what else the courts can be expected to do.

Apply a stiff penalty for false allegations?

You hear of people who make false rape allegations being prosecuted but not Resident parents who make false accusations.

Why do we permit this? Why do solicitors work with clients who they know to be lying or whose emotions have clouded their judgement?

Reform the system.

Wasn''t going to comment on all this but sorry here goes...

My situation the other way round, you cannot take your x to court to force them to see the children more but heyho. Perhaps this is also a problem with the law & there should be a minimum amount of time that parents HAVE to see their children.

Anyway, I am all for principles & agree with you regarding the system & the need for reforme, but cannot get my head around your potential speech to your children (at any stage in their life) that basically... Due to a point of principle you in short as per the court "refused contact to them". I am a principled person myself, but have found that the divorce process is a set of hoops & like it or not we all have to jump through them to get to the end.

I cannot comment on the DV issue, but as other have said would have walked over hot coals for my children & still will.

This sorry is just so very very sad & IMO the main ones being hurt is the children & that IMO is just not right.

JJx

James, I don''t agree with how you are managing this, your kids want a dad, not a saint. However, may I suggest that in the meantime, if you want to keep to your principles AND show your kids you care about them, write them a letter once a week, post a copy to them and a copy to yourself. Don''t open the one you post yourself, save it post marked until they can read them themselves and see that you were thinking of them and communicating (in a way).

Good luck and remember you don''t have to make life this hard for yourself.

James,
Bottom line, when it comes to your children, pride comes lower in the pecking order. Let me be really clear.
For the sake of your children, temporarily "sell out" your values. On behlaf of your children, I beg you to do this.

Who ''supervises'' in these cases? I separated from my wife who,sadly, is an alcoholic around three months ago. Because our 13 year old daughter had been through so much heartache as a result of my wife''s heavy drinking, I have assumed custody and my wife moved back to her mother''s house. Last year I stopped working (which necessitated a fair bit of travel) in order to take care of our daughter and to try, in vain, to help my wife get sober. Now, my daughter is still reluctant to spend overnights with her mother, and I am sure she is still having to see her mother drinking. I want to protect her from this but do not want her to completely stop contact. I am trying everything to be reasonable but I obviously want to protect my daughter from any more heartache or, god forbid, danger that may result from her mother''s drunkenness. There is currently no way to be sure that her mother has stopped drinking, so supervised visits may be the only way to ensure that my daughter stays safe. How do I go about getting this? I have already lost virtually everything through this nightmare and cannot afford to retain solicitors to fight my corner.