Alternate wkend & additional contact clarification

My partner arrangement is split into term times and holiday time.

During termtime he has the children alternate weekends and one night during the week.

During the holidays he has the children for 4 weeks which are pre arranged.

The issue we have is that his ex wants to continue the same alternate weekend pattern for ever, which means the children repeatedly miss out on certain family occasions because they occur on the same weekend each year. The only time she will ''''swap'''' weekends is when it suits her never convenient when we ask.

For 2 years running we have asked to change the pattern over so that every year the weekend pattern changes but she wont because it ''''will impact on her social life''''

Its getting to the point where my partner is going to go for a contact order just to get back some control in his life.

Thanks Emma,

To be honest I think she''s fully aware of what she is doing but instead of being honest with my fiance and perhaps asking if they can swap a weekend so underhandedly does it and then tries to convince my fiance that he''s wrote the dates down wrong.

How can 2 adults have 3 meetings over dates and apparently walk away with different dates jotted down?!

He is definitely going to be asking for this to be spelt out for both their sakes. I think she just likes giving herself the flexibility to change dates to enable future activities to coincide with her designated weekends.

That sounds a bit odd to me - I know I dont get out much but who plans their "social life" two years ahead other than the Queen?

I would kind of expect it to alternate because of birthdays, Xmas etc - is she really that inflexible?

CJ i think your partners probably had enough now, perhaps time to get a bit tougher?

Whats the enxt hearing is it a review?

Mathis, I can understand your frustration as it means the children may also miss out on extended families birthdays etc. I guess you can always try and make arrangements for when you do have them but it would be nice to actually have them on the actual day rather than always having to substitute what they have always missed out on.

Emma - we can''t even get her to consent to allow the children to spend xmas night with us and it will be their 1st christmas with their father! She''s seen them every Christmas and my fiance had them on Boxing day. Any reasonable person would accept that this year it''s her turn for Boxing Day and the father''s for Christmas. How can you deny your children this pleasure and actually think that its ok?!

The judge is fully aware of this though and it''s going to be addressed at the next hearing.

Yes, he realy has had enough. He''s doing brill though but thats because we promised each other that when we start round 3 of the court process we''d go at it head strong. My fiance is not agressive by any means, just assertive now and is not going to be bullied or dictated to anymore.

Yes its a review hearing. x

Hi Emma.

Yes she is that inflexible. My partner asked last year giving her 3 months notice of the change she said because of work commitments she needs 6 months notice (fair enough).

So this time my partner asked her 6 months in advance, the reason this time she said no, her pattern needs to be remain the same so that she is ''''child free the same weekend as her friends''''!!

Apparently my daughter, her father and my family have to arrange our birthdays etc to fit around her children!! Wish I had known 13 years ago I would have made sure I gave birth on the correct weekend!!!

MathisFun,

I can appreciate how annoying that must be for your family.

At the last hearing the judge couldn''t get his head around how two people who have professional jobs cannot communicate. My fiance finds the whole situation highly embarrassing as he is being forced into a position that he doesn''t want or need to be apart of.

What this boils down to is flexibility and trying to give the children the best of both families. When you have one parent who wants everyhing their own way - what is the solution?

My fiance will be bringing this up at the next hearing as the ex''s attitude towards his contact keeps resulting in a breakdown in orders. Any loop hole that she can find, she''ll use it. As a result, he has now got to demand a structured and defined order that spells it out as though a child was reading it...and this is for two adults!