how should I handle this?

I agree with MathsIsFun on this one. Don''t rely on him to find letters in their bags or on them to tell them they are there. Just email every last thing (a pain, I know, but simplest thing to do). They will get used to silly daddy forgetting everything soon enough.

And do tell the children that you won''t contact him via them but don''t make a fuss with them when he doesn''t abide by the same rules.

Best wishes,
Sadie

thanks, i will tell them that.

Not sure about the e.mails, as that is totally what I used to do, then he wouldn''t always read them, then he wanted me text him that I had sent one. I don''t really feel comfortable with showing the children e.mails between parents.... but I guess if that is the only way.

Does anyone else think this is childish and harmful what he is doing?


Survive

To be fair, he is a grown man, all he has to do is check his emails!

I would send him a text stating that its not appropriate to commmunicate via the kids, you will email him all relevant communication and if its urgent then you will send him a text and you hope he can do the same to avoid using your children as go betweens.

My ex did it for a bit and I forced him into stopping by actually emailing him telling him that our eldest was sobbing because he had shown her communication between us and telling him he needed to stop cos it was really upsetting my girls.

xx

I agree that sending the ex an email is a good first step. Keep in mind that what you want to achieve is a change of behaviour and that''s more likely if you can get him on board with the idea. Perhaps present it as a problem you both share (as you both love your kids) and ask for his help/opinion on the feasibility of direct parent to parent emails. You might also want to suggest piloting an exchange of greetings during handovers?

Survive

I know where you are comming from, at first I had the same problem with my ex. Now as children are older, I have no contact whatsoever & they decide when if they see ex / give him info etc etc.

It is really sad, as I know that ex is not really involved in their lives now, doesn''t recieve sch reports, results etc etc & kids don''t really say anything re their lives to ex as far as I am aware.

For you it appears it is just another way your ex can get at you, by going through & upsetting your kids / making you look the guilty one for anything ie letters etc.

Either you have to tell your children to give their letters to dad, putting it on them & him - poss not good for the, or if you have a scanner printer I would scan & send letters via email, you don''t have to add words just FYI, with a read receipt & then you (if needed) could just show kids the read receipt.

Try & limit contact of any kind between you & your ex, so he cannot get at you, or tell him to go to sch direct & tell kids that this is the way you are d/w ex & therfore it is up to him.

Other than that, no there isn''t much you can do aside from keeping plugging along.

Stay strong JJ

Survive, hve you resolved all the contact issues at court? I ask as if you have not got your contact order yet, you could get this kind of thing written into the order, ie that the order specifically says ''on the condition that both parties refrain from using the children to convey messages...'' or something similar.
Mine requires both parties to communicate with each other politely and without unnecessary delay.

thanks, yes court order was agreed, minus all the infinite details

Survive