Parental Alienation

Hi,

I''ve always had problems with my ex not wanting me to have contact, but she says all the right things to the courts and cafcass etc.

My eldest daughter(6) didn''t want to come for contact this weekend. Her mother asked her if she wanted to go, which she has never done before. To be honest, if I asked my two daughter''s if they wanted to go home at the end of contact, they would say no. Do I take them back? Of course!

I have constant problems such as; buying them a packet of sweets immediately before i call so they don''t want to talk etc.

I get asked about me and their mum, which in my opinion is not appropriate for a 5 and 6 year old.

I get, "Grandma says you''re a liar" and I''m called all sorts of nicknames through the children, like "Binner", which comes from my ex''s boyfriend.

A few weekends ago, when I picked them up we left as their mum said to them, "Just think, when you come back on Sunday we will play a game to find out where we are going on holiday".

It all leads to Parental Alienation, but my ex is very smart and says that she encourages contact etc and is always believed by the court.

My ex does everything from this website:http://www.thebritishsecondwivesclub.co.uk/articles/parental_alienation_syndrome.htm

I can''t talk to her because she is totally unreasonable and tells me where to go, so how do I deal with this?

And, what should I do if my girls don''t want to come with me for our contact weekends?

I can see how this is very upsetting for you.

Really this isn''t fair on you and especially not on your daughters.

I''m afraid there don''t seem to be any magic answers, if there are, please let me know!

The problem is that neither you nor the Courts can stop anyone saying anything.

It is good that you can recognise her tactics.
I would suggest that you keep a log of it. Nothing may come out of it but again you never know.

The sad thing is the implications such tactics on our children.
They are torn between loyalties and confused.

My ex is similar in playing nasty games and confuses the children too.
It is very worrying for you.

I would also suggest that you try to rise above it and show your girls the kind of man you are and the kind of parent you are which is a good, caring one.

Children will learn and see things and will be able to identify things for themselves.

They will always love you both.

In my case, I am trying to be a better parent and just try to put my children and any children first in how they will feel in all this.
Just focus on your girls - be consistent, love and protect them. All of which I bet you are already doing.
And take a deep breath.