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No idea about FMH and at the end of patience

  • Orangejuice
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08 Oct 12 #359948 by Orangejuice
Topic started by Orangejuice
Hi hoping if anyone can help, my Stbx is a nightmare, I have tried numerous ways to settle financially with her and she wants to drag it through the courts, she has poisoned my 4 children against me with lies, I have lost it at her tonight and shot off a nasty email I regret and of course she showed the children, 18, 16, 15 and 13.

She will not agree to sell or stay in the home, I can''t afford to keep paying mortgage - there would be enough equity if we sold for her to buy something else but now she will not agree to sell insisting she has a right to stay in the FMH - we are still waiting for Directions meeting as she refused mediation - anyone ave a similar story, and is she liable for the mortgage if she stays?

I would rather sell or buy her out, but she will do the exact opposite just to spite me.


  • LittleMrMike
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09 Oct 12 #359954 by LittleMrMike
Reply from LittleMrMike
I know it''s easy to say this, but you really need to be thinking in terms of solutions.
The fact is, both of you need homes. The children, in particular, need a home.
It''s no good ranting, you would be better advised to spend your energy in working out a solution that has a realistic chance of working.
The other point is that, if you are confronted with a spouse who insists on playing silly beggars, do not try to negotiate with someone who simply will not engage with the process. All you are doing is wasting time, money and nervous energy. If you can''t reach agreement then get the matter before a judge as soon as you can. Do not attempt negotiation with a spouse who has a closed mind.
You need to understand that divorce almost inevitably involves a reduction in lifestyle for both of you. In situations like this a Court will prioritise the needs of the children. But that does not mean you have to be homeless.
You must first consider what resources you have, in terms of income, capital, savings. The sale of the FMH may be an option for you but without details I can''t say.
Do not leave unless you have to - unless things become completely intolerable. Remember that anyone who angers you conquers you. You are under stress at the moment and decisions taken under stress can be bad.
As a start I have attached a file. I was the author of this and I wrote it in an attempt to make you aware of the various options which may be available.
I know this is hard. Lord knows, I have been through it myself, but my ex was mentally ill and therefore could hardly be blamed.

Attachment Housing_wiki_options-0a7a4ff1f666af0b60a58064377b2c11.doc not found


  • soulruler
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09 Oct 12 #359977 by soulruler
Reply from soulruler
I agree with LMM that it is pointless banging your head against a brick wall trying to negotiate with someone who refuses to negotiate - also you are wasting time and as LMM states nervous energy - be careful of looking agressive - that is what can happen.

More information would be helpful as it sounds like you are out of the house by this post, details of income, why you are paying all the mortgage, your ages that sort of thing and how long this has been not going on.

I had exactly the same problem with my ex, he refused to negotiate and go to mediation, refused to allow me to sell the house and split the equity, refused to pay any contribution to the mortgage, frustrated me to the point of insanity - I am a DV victim he is not insane just very nasty (he still is - watch out for my face I think it will soon become public domain).

If she will not co-operate and is causing antagonism one way or another between you are your four children you need to get this into court - you can self represent as long as your finances are not complicated - most of ours are not.

There is loads of information on this site about how to start and progress not just your divorce but also the financial settlements - they are separate issues.

With the age the children are they will generally be able to state where they stay so the longer you leave this and the more antagonism you allow to accrue the harder it is going to be for all of you.

Learn your hard lesson and never send your wife a contentious e-mail or letter again.

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