Hello, im not sure whether this is the right place to post, however, I don''t know where else to ask for advice so, here goes.
Am up to my eyes in debt, and cannot afford to continue with divorce court case. I really don''t want to give in to him and accept his pathetic offer as it wont buy me a house and im sure no one will give me a mortgage in my current financial position. Soon to be x has stayed in the former matrimonial home which is mortgage free. He is retired and drawing pension of £1000 per month. So, you see he has it made,.plus I strongly suspect, although cannot 100% prove, that he has set up his own business from the former matrimonial home and is depositing the funds/earnings from this into family bank accounts to hide the income.So, I hope you can appreciate my anger that I will have to continue working for at least another 10 years to pay a mortgage, if I can get one! Hence, why I am asking for enough for my share to buy a small house and hopefully furnish it. We were married 20 years, I am 53 he is 55 His pension pot is 280k mine is 56k, house valued at 140k and mortgage free, he has 20k savings plus all house contents. I had to move out and now pay £350 rent, plus £235 per month car loan, car insurance £25 per month, petrol £120per month,mobile phone £20 per month, union fees £20 per month and gym membership £20 per month. I had no means to buy Christmas/birthday presents for my family, or personal homewears necessary as I left him everything, so took out an Argos card which is £10 minimum per month.I work 20 hours and earn £950 per month, Solicitors fees have broke the bank, my overdraft is to the hilt. I shop and scrounge to buy reduced foods and live off basics, but am really struggling now. Family have no funds to spare I really loathe asking them for any help, as I have always been the one helping them out in the past. But I don''t know how I can carry on. Thought about walking to work, am having to this week as no money, no petrol, so will be up an hour early to walk the 6 miles. Cheaper accomodation to rent are horrendous and although this is not my home, I feel safe and reasonably comfortable here. I have been ill since start of the evil divorce. I took on extra job to make moneys up, when I was forced to move out in February. He kept filthy conditions, refused to keep the place clean, and continued to emotionally abuse me even though I was still paying half towards the utilities! However ,depression and stress levels impacted my second job and shamefully I was not kept on after the probationary period, as I was genuinely putting patients at risk due to lack of concentration and silly mistakes beginning to occur! I know I will work more hours however, feel unable to do so at this stressful time. I have never been so ashamed at not performing to standards and am mortified that I could have made serious errors at work!!.
So, I digressed, sorry but wanted to give a full picture in the hope that I may get some worthy advice. What can I do? how can I pay solicitor and court fees? Does anyone think I might get a credit card, or can find a way of setting up an account to pay after the settlement? HOW... please help... I am really at my wits end with it all now!!
thank you all advice greatfully received.
PS. luckily no children involved, hoping for a Clean Break. I need to move forward but he has stalled all the way, we have been separated almost a year now
Have you considered a maintenance pending suit this would mean he would have to pay you money temporarily whilst the divorce is completed. You could use this money to fund solicitor so that you get appropriate share of the marital assets.
Did you speak to your solicitor about your predicament?
Unfortunately MPS hearings take a snap shot of the finances. I suspect if your husband''s only income on paper is £1k per month after meeting his own living costs there won''t be deemed enough disposable income left with which to pay Maintenance Pending Suit to help with your living costs.
In days gone by the applicant for Maintenance Pending Suit could seek a ''costs allowance'' to meet the ongoing expense of legal representation. The law changed a year or so ago and this is no longer possible. However when the funds cannot be raised any other way it is now possible to apply for a Legal Services Order specifically ordering a spouse who has available resources to make them available to cover your legal costs.
If you haven''t already done so it''s worth asking your solicitor if applications for MPS and/or a Legal Service Order are appropriate and likely to succeed in your particular circumstances and if there are any other funding options.
sinking fast into thiS deep deep black hole, I cannot continue, no money, no support, no help or guidance, I am exhausted both physically , mentally and emotionally. He would be laughing and rubbing his greedy hands, HE HAS WON, IM DONE, REALLY, IM DONE!!
Family break-up, separation and divorce are incredibly stressful times in our lives, and have an enormous emotional impact on us.
At times, it can feel like you are drowning, completely overwhelmed by what you are going through, and that there is no "light at the end of the tunnel" - despite what others are saying to you.
It is important to know that you are not alone, and there is no need to suffer in silence. While our members here are very supportive and offer and provide much-needed empathy and shoulders to lean on, we can''t provide the same level of support that professional organisations who have properly trained staff that deal with people suffering from depression, emotional stress, etc.
If you need to talk to someone, the Samaritans have a phone line that is staffed 24 hours a day, every day - you can call them on 08457 90 90 90. The Samaritans will listen to you and help you talk through your concerns, worries and troubles. www.samaritans.org
The Depression Alliance is a fantastic resource and offers a lot of different support services through their website - www.depressionalliance.org
Your GP will also be able to provide you with medical support and suggest local organisations in your area that will be able to help you.
Having depression is nothing to be ashamed of, it will affect one in four people at any given time, it is an illness that you will recover from, with the right help and support.
You do not need to suffer alone and in silence. If you feel that you need to talk to someone, then please contact one of the organisations listed above.
You say you have no support - you have support from the Wiki-community. I too suffered from depression and some very dark times when going through my own divorce; it was the support I received from Wiki-members and my own GP that provided a light in the darkness, and helped me through the worst of it all.
Honestly, I think the best support you can get (either as a man or a woman) is right here - it''s free, altruistic, impartial, and comes from those who understand, who "get" how you are feeling, have walked a similar path and who are able to encourage you to keep going, that you won''t always like this, that life does improve and that you too will get through this.
Everyone is different,and while we experience the same emotional spectrum, there is no hard and fast rule about when we begin to feel better, when the situations we are in stop consuming our every waking thought - I know this is such a cliche, but time really is a great healer.