What a Mess!!!

Some may have seen my post yesterday regarding my first mediation appointment.

To follow on from that, when I arrived home last night X2B queried why I needed time to sort out my finances saying “how can you sort your finances out when you don’t know HOW MUCH I WANT” – quite taken aback I tried to explain that its not a case of what he wants but how much is fair. Would he listen – NO! He said he has a figure in mind and wants that and I wasn’t to delay getting the money to him. X2B wants finances sorted out before he will divorce me!! This fact came to light when I highlighted that he was the one delaying things by not serving me with a divorce petition despite being informed in February that one was on its way. To my surprise and astonishment he then told me that he had put the divorce on hold until the finances were sorted – what planet is he on??

So it appears that unless I give him the figure that HE wants, he doesn’t plan to divorce me but will “live in the house FREE”.

I phoned the Court this morning and they confirmed that no divorce petition has been filed, so I have taken control and told my solicitor to issue asap.

I feel so much better taking back my life – what is this man trying to do to me and our children – put us in the “Lunatic Bin” !!! I'm sure he gets some sort of pleasure in the mind games he is playing.

Has anyone else got such an X or X2B that has lost their marbles??

GKx

GK,

Good for you. I don't think you are alone in all this. My stbx seems to think he shd have his whole pension (worth more than the house) plus a large cash sum - that I haven't got without selling the FMH and moving the kids and me into a small shack on a sink estate somewhere. I think not!

I am sure whatever you offer will be fair. I am equally sure that he won't like it ... but as many of us have said on wiki before, it really is not a question of what he wants. It is what the children and you need - and then what he needs .. assuming there is enough money to provide for both.

BTW I am not sure if you can - but I wd be inclined to make sure you keep details of all mortgage payments etc from date of separation - you never know, you may be able to claim something back from his "share" for rent! After all he would be paying rent if he lived anywhere else.
And don't cook for him ... well, not unless he is paying hard cash board and lodgings at a sensible rate that is!

Welcome back to the right side of sanity .. don't ever let him push you over the edge again.

Hadenoughnow

Yes GK I'm in exact same position and now have to petition my x2b (seems silly saying xtb when I feel it will never end)

I sometimes think I will never get away from him, he is total control freak and as for mind games, well my x2b is expert!
I will petition in the hope of moving forward, it's been 8 months now in same house and he has proposed to knock down the garage and build a new house next to this one in order to raise more revenue!!!

He says I'll have to wait to see if it's passed, and then wait until it's built etc etc...He won't discuss divorce until the finances are sorted but he's making it more complex day by day. And I'm going NUTS!!!

He's frozen the joint business account (I'm 50% partner in the business) he is making my life hell in the house in the hope that I will leave (we have 3 children under 15 years old) where does he think I would go.

He has the best solicitor in Cardiff and says he will 'win' because they are right behind him and I'll just have to accept what he says.

Sometimes I cry and it takes a lot for me to do that I thought I was all cried out years ago, but sometimes I laugh I get a fit of crazy laughter - probably because its so unbelievable some of the things he does or says.

Be safe in the knowledge that your not the only one who is going through this...if it wasn't for wiki I'd be checking into looney bin now.

Keep well keep sane keep talking

salina

Hi both - sounds like the X2Bs went to the same School of liars and gamesters.
I thank Wiki Peeps for keeping me focused. My X2B has the best solicitor in S Wales too, but not in Cardiff!!! This one is going to "take me to the cleaners", if I dont give my X2B what he is demanding. Knows his "stuff" and is sh!t hot on getting fantastic settlements for his clients - yeah right, back on another planet then once again!!
I have been under his control for so many years I totally forgot what it was like being ME and now that I have found myself again, do you know what, I think I like ME and am going to remain that way, get him out of my life and start to live again!!!
You go for it too gals.

Are you sure they are not using the same solicitors my x2b says his 'has won awards for getting their clients what they want'

His solicitors charging him double what mine is they must be rubbing their hands in glee when he walks in with yet another lengthy and obviously totally unfair proposal.

I've told him that I am going to petition him because he is stalling and his response was 'YOU PETITION ME!! ha I could get loads of people to say how unreasonable you are and at least 4 of them are professionals' ??????? mind boggles

Anyway he's gone to planet pub so all is quiet and peaceful kids are asleep and I have a glass of wine and some choc pudding.

I dream of the time when its all over and I can close my front door and do exactly what I please and as you say just be ME.

All the best to you

Salxx

GK,
Great to hear ur taking control...keep us posted
Elle

Hi GK,Just caught up with your blog...You have done the right thing taking control.You will see and feel now that you have equal rights in all this mess.
The reason you SX2B is acting so crazy is because he knows deep down he has got so much to loose.GK did you ever see the film.ANTS LIFE the ants worked for the locus.The ants were many but the locus threatened and were few.
Take care lovely.
Alan.