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  • julesgy
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26 May 12 #333135 by julesgy
Topic started by julesgy
oh where to start ?
today i received divorce petition and what that b*****d has written has made me look the guilty one !! said he had to leave the mh for my behaviour all lies !!! hes the one that had the affairs and then wanted to be friends he has really played me .
i had gone to 42 days no contact and thought i was doing well and then what the hell did i go and do ? i text him (i know what an idiot i was ) asking why he put all the lies and he said he doesnt know what was put !!!!!!! he just wants me out his life ........ oh i wish i could hate that man that i would have died for why cant i stop loving him afterall hes done to me im hurting so bad (crying while writing this ) after all the years weve been together since i was 16 and now 52 years old and hes just thrown me to the curb without a thought . i just dont know what to do im supposed to be at my girl friends tonite for a drink and i just want to curl up in a ball !! how can someone treat you like this has he no idea what damage hes doing ? i suppose he just doesnt care so long as he can go along his merry little way with his ow
sorry for going on but i just feel so lonely and need some advice how to get back on my feet again

  • maisymoos
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26 May 12 #333138 by maisymoos
Reply from maisymoos
Go to your friends for Company tonight, don''t stay in. It can be hard making the effort but the more you do it the easier and more you find it helps ( a shoulder to cry on and all that!!)

You may not be able to see it now but you are better off without him and over time you will start to feel better and see this. Who wants to be with a cheat and a lier?? Ignore what he is written in the divorce Petition you know the real truth and ultimately that is what matters.


  • jjones123
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26 May 12 #333142 by jjones123
Reply from jjones123
The way that I got through was to focus on the present and take tiny steps forward every day.

I can really understand. My ex had an affair and petitioned me for unreasonable behaviour, all of which was utter nonsense. After a couple of days of being in shock, I then asked my solicitor to add a rider to the Petition to show the court (and my ex) that I thought it was nonsense (in a polite way), whilst saying that I wasn''t going to dispute the divorce.

The only truth that really matters is your own.

Ex''s who cast aside others generally try to cast the betrayed party in a very bad light - it is nonsense, and it''s their deluded way of dealing with their guilt. Their flawed reasoning goes, ''if I imagine that they are bad people, then its easier to justify what I did'', so they say bad things - none of which is true, of course.

You will start to get angry, and that is a part of the process. But, for now, be gentle with yourself. And filter a lot of what your ex says - a lot of it will be utter rubbish.

Hugs, JJ x

  • startagain
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26 May 12 #333147 by startagain
Reply from startagain
Yes my situation same as JJ ex had an affair and petitioned me. The list was a work of fantasy,but it hurt at the time as I was not in a very good place to begin with. Although now I find it quite funny as it made me out to be a bit of a play boy! Maybe I should frame it!

Yes this is what they do they project total blame on the other person standard pattern behaviour for a cheater - textbook stuff.

Yes all this hurts but the hurt slowly get less and less in time it will help make you stronger.

Take care

  • yellowrose
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26 May 12 #333151 by yellowrose
Reply from yellowrose
Hi Julesgy
I feel for you so much. Your story is a replay of my own and yes he has cast me aside as if I never existed, blames me totally for everything - it was him who had the affair! - and treats me like sh.t.
I loved him completely but that turned to hate and slowly the hate is going. Wasting energy on them even in the form of hatred is hurting no-one but you, but it is so hard to move on. I posted earlier cos I was having a tough time today and the lovely wiki family came through for me.
I wish I wasn''t going through this and I wish you weren''t but I do believe that eventually I will be better off without him. It''s hard to see most of the time but I will get there. You will too.
It''s O.K to feel the way you do. In some ways it would be better if they had died, but they haven''t and the best thing we can all do is recover from the hurt, rebuild our lives and show them that we don''t need them. It''s a hard road to travel but we will get there.
Look after yourself. KNow that whatever he says, you know the truth and trust that you will come out of this happier, stronger and a better person than he will ever be.

  • Marshy_
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26 May 12 #333157 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
I know the feeling. Cast asside like an old sock. Not nice is it after all those years of loyalty. But its his loss not yrs. I know you wont think this right now. But it is.

I would go out. But stay off the drink. Otherwise you may txt him and that would be bad. Yr only crime is that you broke the no contact rule and that will set you back.

Just concentrate on you. You will be amazed at how quickly you can get back on track and get this waste of space out of yr life as quickly as you can so that you can start to recover.

We all make mistakes. The person that hasnt, has not been born yet. You will be alright. C.

  • Canuck425
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26 May 12 #333181 by Canuck425
Reply from Canuck425
I hope you go out and have a good time. At least get some needed support. 42 days of no contact was well done! Good for you. Too bad you broke it but I bet you won''t do that again. There really is no point.

You cannot turn off love so don''t expect to. I have heard that the opposite of love is indifference maybe one day you''ll get there with him.

Take good care!

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