worn out

I,m so worn out emotionally.I wish all this would just go away. My x is a cruel man who after 20 years of marriage wants me to have nothing. I have worked part time round him and our 3 boys, gone through 2 miscarriages, a hysterectomy, middle son adhd and now he wants me to leave the FMH with half the equity, and leave his £292,000 pension alone. Great future for me, so unfair and cruel. Sorry but feeling very scared

What he wants is not necessarily what he gets. Post your situation and someone will probably be able to give you a steer about a fair settlement. They will need to know your ages, length of marriage plus prior cohabitation; assets; debts inc outstanding mortgage; incomes; pensions; number and ages of children.

Divorce is awful, there''s no way I can say any different. But you are in the right place for support and advice. Look after yourself. ((()))

Edited: Whoops just realised you have already done this. Sending you another hug ((()))

Pixy is right. Lots of help here.
What he ends up with is not for him to dictate that os why there is specific procedures when divorcing.
One of them is to go to family mediation.
Do NOT leave the family home until you have sought legal advice!
Stay strong, you are entitled to some if not half of his pension.
Please don''t let him bully you any longer. Knowledge is power so get asking on here and go to a mediator. You don''t have to go with him, just find out your rights!
Big hugs to you!

Hi gailuk,

Stop! Take a deep breath and do not panic. That is the first rule of survival during such a difficult, confusing, worrying, emotional time etc.

Controlling, husbands, think they know what is best and by verbal bullying they always believe they know best....yes that is true, best for themselves, not what is best for the wife and children.

The breakdown in a long marriage/partnership is a difficult thing to take, for any of us, but they have the tendency to attack the weak, us their victims, at the most emotionally unstable time in our lives. Its called cowardly.

Firstly you have to look at this in two ways, if you can split a line down the middle, the emotional pain, this takes years to deal with, nobody here will deny that, but also the financial/practical pain and inconvenience.

You must try and separate the two. Get legal advice now. Do not tell him, just do it. He is out for only himself. You have to make sure you get your ducks in a row and go armed to a good family law specialist who will fight for you and advise you, I can not recommend this enough, otherwise you will find yourself out on a limb with nothing. Do not ever leave the FMH, who does this man think he is, you and your children need a roof and until a Court decides, he will just have to like it and lump it.

He knows by trying to force you out, he will win. Please he is the enemy now, and you have to dig deep and find an inner strength that you did not know you possessed. A housewife, a mum, chief cook and bottle washer...is the hardest job in the world, do not ever underestimate what you have done over the years and he knows it, he would just rather you trotted off into the sunset without any hassles.....well you stand up for what is fair and equal, nothing more, nothing less and hey he knows how much of his pension you will be entitled to, deep down, he will be quaking in his boots.....

You have to now think of NO 1, and that is you, you and your children.


Take care for now FoS x

Hi Gailuk

I have been in your situation and you musn''t give up. As the other posts say, make sure you get proper legal advice - I found my solicitor through the Citizen''s Advice Bureau. The CAB were also very helpful with advice on tax credits etc. The more you stand up to your ex the easier it will get - he is a bully who is used to getting his own way. Show him that you can cope without him and that your new life will be happier now that he has gone (even though you might not actually feel like that). It helped me to have a friend or family member with me when he came to the house, as he didn''t like to show his true colours in front of them. Also make sure you treat yourself - it can be as simple as a chocolate bar or a good DVD, but is something to look forward to.
Your life is not over - it is just beginning:)