P***d off

Wow, sounds awful. I hope your kids are healing and you can help them come to terms with the abuse. Yuck!

I cannot advise you in this as I have no experience at all. Listen to your lawyers I guess. I have a tear in my eye for your kids. Fathers shouldn''t hit their kids. They should love them to bits!

Mitchum & Canuck thanks so much it really does help when positive vibes are sent with so much sincerity. When people like your self and the others understand the stress & pressure we are all under means so much.

I suppose i needed a gee up, was a long day with no outcome. I will strive to follow what I believe to be right. I know that things could or may not get worse but I know I have the support of all of you who understand. Thanx so much x

I lived with a bully we have about £500000 of equity .i have 3 children all with me he offered me £240000 clean brake he did not waver for 2 years.i went to court yesterday looks like he is going to give me nearly everything i need ,my advise you have little to loose but him on the other hand a lot.If you are unemployed then your legal bill will be a lot less as well but i know some go right to the bitter end to be honest i thought i was going to be one of them so was ready. xx

Hi Redwine..

redwine47 wrote:

Should I give in?

No. Never give in. When you think you have nothing left, dig a little deeper and you will find just enough to carry on a little longer.

But remember what this is for and keep yr eye on the prize. There is no point fighting for 10K if it costs you 10. There needs to be something at the end of it otherwise there is no point. Always look at costs vs benefit. Also factor in time as well. There isnt a lot of point fighting for say 2 years and getting 2K out of it. You can make 2K in 2 years just selling tat on Ebay or car boots. This is financial exercise and you have to take emotions out of it. But balance all this against the future. You have a future you know and there is an afterwards. Never do anything that that impacts yr future.

This phase of divorce is tough. And there will be times when you just want to chuck the lot off the bridge and walk away. But keep plodding on. You will get there one day. I know its a slog and I know you will think that he is getting away with it. But thats not how life is. You win some you lose some. And at the end of the day, this is a lesson for you. When you make decisions, they can have massive implications often years down the line. This is what is happening here. You are paying now for poor decisions a long time ago. You dont need to make the bad ones anymore. But the good news is that you will be a lot wiser and tougher. And I garentee you will not make these mistakes again. The cost is just too high to go thru all this again. C.

Hi redwine47,

Sorry I have not been able to send my support sooner. From one who is going through a very acrimonious divorce to another, from one who is also dealing with a bully and narcissist to another, you have to hang on in there, and cling on with dear life.

I totally appreciate the tiredness and exhaustion of it all, whilst they lead the Life of Riley, but for the sake of your children, you will find an inner strength that you did not even realise that it existed.

I feel, on a daily basis, that my STBX takes great, great pleasure in making my life extremely hard, he takes great satisfaction in rubbing my nose in his antics, whilst the children and I are inconvenienced and made to suffer through his greed, lies and selfishness.

As hard as it is, you will get there eventually, at least that is my hope, to come out of this all in one piece. Marshy is right, as always, you do have to weigh up the long term financial implications against your emotional and physical well being, but this is what they want you to do, to grind you down until you throw in the towel, allowing them to walk away with it all, leaving you with sweet F.A.

The contempt and disregard these men show us is utterly unbelievable.

I know too well how they paint this picture of us to friends and family, all lies of course, to justify their own behaviours, making us out to be the ''baddies'' in all of this, because we are fighting back for what is fair, justified and equal, that is all, to put a safe and secure roof over our children''s heads! They will never see it like that, who do they think we are taking them on, we will never get the better of them, for they are untouchable, above the law and of course always right! Ohh and they do shout this from the highest hills, so that what friends you thought you had, run scared because they are too frightened to stand up or speak out against our STBX''s, anything for a quiet life! I know that too well. But, as a friend told me recently, she said Flower, those who know the sacrifices you made and what you did for that man over 20 years, know the truth. My STBX has told so many lies, even in Court, that I honestly think he no longer knows the truth at all, he has convinced himself that his fiction of events are the gospel! As they say '' The truth will always out''.

Take care Redwine47, stay strong and look at your children everyday and remember that they are what will see you through this.

FoS x

Sending my support to you.

Do not "give in", why should you? You know what has happened in the past, you know the truth no matter what is said, so use that to gain strength and keep going.

Just think of your children and that will give you the push you need.

Big hugs xx

Don''t give in I came close and was so pleased I didn''t. You feel ground down, you have fought this far for your children, listen to your heart and head.

I know if I had given in, I would have forever regretted it and asked "what if...."

You do however need to take a sensible approach on financial gain versus loss as Marshy and others have said. My ex wanted a Clean Break, I got spousal maintenance at the rate I need for 12 years, I had to go to FH but it was worth it.

Stay Strong, I think sometimes we surprise ourselves as to our inner strengths when we are being tested to the limit.