Don''t Know How I''m Supposed to Feel

I''ve read a lot on this site but don''t post much. I find it really helpful to read the advice given to others on here.

Today I just need to talk and don''t really want to dump on my friends anymore, who have been absolutely fantansic with me.

I have just found out that my ex husband has split up from the woman he left me for. Apparently this is not the first time - it has happened a couple of times since they got together - but this is the first time I have known of this.

First of all I laughed and thought - serves his bloody right! Now I feel an overwhelming pain that I cannot seem to shake off. The life we had together was blown apart for this woman and now I feel - what did he do it all for? Why does he prefer this up and down life with her to the life we had together, which was not perfect but was pretty dammn good before she came on the scene. Then I started worrying about how he was doing and if he was coping (crazy!!!!). Now I just can seem to stop crying again. Thought I was doing OK. Thought I was getting on with things.

Am just so very sad x

Hi BrokenPromises,

The truth is, if it hadnt have been this woman it probably would have been someone further down the line. He probably felt at the time he left that it was easier to be with this woman who was fresh and new and probably pandered to his every whim. Now its not so good he''s probably desperately trying to make it work in order to justify leaving his marriage.

My stxh left for another woman and i imagine it would be difficult to find out their relationship didnt work after all he gave up with me, but i think i am a stronger person now and i can look back on our relationship and see a lot of faults that werent as glaringly obvious then as they are now.

We all have those moments when we feel sad and you''ve come to a good place to get some support. You''ll come through this and look back and wonder what on earth you were thinking, but in the meantime, try and keep busy!

All the best x

Hi BP. You haven''t got to acceptance yet. This is why you feel this way. Perhaps inside you feel that he could or would come back to you? If you accepted what had happened it wouldn''t have been a Yessss moment. More a... Yea and?

Be honest with yrself. Face upto the fact that just cos he is playing yo - yo with his tart does not mean that you and him will be together. And work on your acceptance. That is the true and only way to get past this. C.

Am just so very sad x

The most important thing is to remember that it''s O.K to be sad. Your life has been turned upside down and although at times you might feel as if you can cope, at other times it all comes crashing round your ears and your coping goes out of the window.

Embrace your sadness. Let it flow and then when it has passed start living again. It will come back but those times will get less and less.

It is hard to imagine you will ever feel ''normal'' again - I still struggle big time - but believe you will, make positive decisions rather than just drifting and give thanks for the good things in your life.

Lots of love xxxxxxxxxxx

My STBX has run off with a ''girl'' 20 years younger and everyone is waiting for that to fail .
I am hoping it will as I will feel that YES moment .
Haven''t thought that I would feel sad .
I think I understand how you feel ,that it wasn''t worth all that pain and hurt .
But they have to live through that as at the time they wouldn''t listen to anyone who could see it .
Allow yourself to be sad but know that it can not work now ,too much pain has been caused .
It is his problem now and he has to suffer .
Don''t feel sorry for him .he brought this on himself.
Was he there for you when you were hurting?
Stay strong and continue to live your life for you.

Thank you all for replying. And what you say is right.

Marshy - you''re right I haven''t accepted this situation - still care about it all - hopefully working my way to not giving a damn and welcome when that time arrives. I worried about this guy for a long time and I guess that habit is hard to break. Tho he cares not a jot about me or how I feel - this I know.

Scary - I will stay strong - thank you.

Yellow Rose - I don''t feel like I drift from day to day - more like lurch! I fill my time so that there is no time to dwell. This will settle down - already is. Thank you for caring.

jslgb - what you say is very true. Someone else would have probably taking his eye eventually. Think I am too straight talking for this man - he couldn''t handle that. Thank you.

Love and cwtches (hugs) for us all x

Hi Scary

scaryspice wrote:

I am hoping it will as I will feel that YES moment

I understand your feelings on this one. I was like that once. But waiting for that day is a mistake. Waiting for someone to fail is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Long term this is bad for you and every wasted thought or word on this is just a waste of your life. And our lives are so terribly short. Waste a second and thats a second you cant ever get back. You have wasted enough on him. Cut yr losses sister.

You have yr own life to lead and it shouldn''t be so focused on someone else''s mistake or demise. And yes it will fail. We know that. But then again so will the Euro. In fact the failure of the Euro will have a bigger impact on you (and me) then them splitting up. Live yr life for you. Not for anyone else. Focus on whats in important in your life. Not what has gone before. Its all chip wrapper now. C.