Would like to know the truth

I am thank you, have a read at the posts on old and dumped, I put a reply re; wildlife rescue and new life. You will get there, just be kind to yourself xx

Beware of too much information! I had the same thing, phone next to him at all times, hostile towards me, disappearing with the dog for walks for hours on end, etc ...

After one particular nasty episode one evening I logged into his (password protected) computer (yeah I guessed the password). And found messages between him and a woman 19 years younger than me arranging to meet up. Three weeks of very tense conversations : do we split, reconcile, does he leave : I logged in again to find all his phone bills.

Even now - yesterday - I think of something and check the phone bill. Our last evening out as a family - phoned her when we got home. Our visit to Relate (at my insistance) - phoned her before, 5 texts afterwards. My friends tell me to get rid of them, it''s like self torture. But I still need to get angry, rather than the sadness ...

(And man is it gratifiying to send out those phone bills to our friends who are as puzzled and upset by his behaviour as I am).

He is having an affair - in total agreement with everyone. There is a pattern and he is following it. I know what it is like to ''need to know'' and have definite proof. You don''t need it really - in your heart of hearts you know. People don''t suddenly change their personality overnight and the way they act towards you for no good reason. They need someone in the background supporting them and justifying what they are doing.

I was told by someone - if it feels like a banana and smells like a banana - then it''s a banana - you don''t need visual proof.

Also agree with FizzyFish - too much information is not always a good thing - it rips you apart. All you need to know is that this is happening and that you need to get out of this situation before it sends you insane. I thought I was going to sink. But I haven''t - am still swimming and I will get to a place which is peaceful eventually.

Big hugs and cwtches for you x

Hi I could have written your post he is definitely having an affair and it is amazing how like so many others of us on here it is all your fault........do not believe that it is a total load of rubbish to make themselves feel better......stay strong i know that is easier said than done but you will get so much help and support from all of us remember you do not have to go through this alone.You will feel like you are on a rollercoaster eventually the good days will outweigh the bad. I let my stbx mess me around for a year and a half and i am almost an emotional wreck from it i have just turned the corner and filed divorce papers.I now wished i had done this sooner you might look back and realise in a distorted way he has done you a favour by filing the papers.I agree with marshy agree to the divorce but not with the reasons.
I am a great believer in karma and i do strongly believe that any relationship that has started in the way does not have a particularly bright future.Hopefully by the time he realises this you will have moved on............lots of love

Thank you all again. I have signed the Petition and my solicitor wrote that I denied the UB grounds but was not defending it - I think I have a good one in her - she seems to respond and be very calm and says that he will have to pay half the ''marital debt'' as it was only ever spent on him, the kids, family holidays over 10 years, which he was always compliant with. Perhaps he thought I was printing my own money? He never took any reposibility for our finances as I did/bought pretty much all the shopping/stuff for the kids etc over the years. My sol is waiting for his CETV details before saying what she thinks I might get. Before, I didn''t want to take much from him, just have 10k from him for the debt, just as long as the kids were ok. Feel slightly different now and will stand up for what I deserve and should get to make sure me and the kids can continue to have a fairly comfortable life - particularly if he''s going to shack up with OW once all this hell is through. I''m looking forward to the good days outweighing the bad. I''ll feep you posted about what happens next. Waiting for affidavit and CETV (23 years'' contributions, we''were married 20)then Nisi and settlement negotiated beteween his and my solicitor, then Absolute and start my new life/regain my self esteem/support the 3 kids through univ/ meet a lovely kind man....hope I''m not expecting too much.

This writing stuff down is very therapeutic, you know? Please let me know if I can offer words of support to anyone too - I''m aware that I''m a big ''taker'' at the moment but I can give good advice too - just not to myself it would seem!

Well done, you have taken a big step towards your new life.

We all "need" at times and there will be many up''s and downs in this difficult journey, you now have friends to help you through it.

I recently had "melt down" but the support is amazing. When you read other posts add your comments, just a word of support/encouragement makes a huge difference. We have all been where you are now, its like a big family where you can say exactly what you are thinking/feeling.

(((((Big, Big Hug)))))

wammcl

Hey you - glad you''re feeling a little bit stronger. Hang in there - this is one of the hardest things you will go through but you will do it.

And why is it "too much to expect" to want to be happy and to find someone kind who will treat you well in the future? You hang on to that thought my lovely - you deserve it.

BP x