Would like to know the truth

Hi Wammci

Its been ages since I''ve posted on this site but felt I had to contribute to this thread as I remember going through all the questions and emotions that you are currently experiencing.

One minute I thought ''yes he''s having an affair'', then when I questioned him numerous times the answers were always ''no, dont be silly'', his phone was constantly on silent, I could hear him talking in the spare bedroom and questioned him about who he was talking to and he just said ''oh wrong number''. We had been married for 34 years, have 3 adult children and I later discovered he had been having an affair for 19 months before I discovered it.

As Fizzyfish mentioned in her post, my ex would go out with the dog for hours on end in the dark, to the point that one night he had been gone that long that I thought he had been involved in an accident and was phoning all the family worried sick.

I eventually caught him out by coming home early from work, sifting through his mobile phone bills and the jigsaw fitted into place. When I confronted him he denied it even though the evidence was damming. Eventually he admitted the affair, he was also very violent during the marriage and his behaviour was unpredictable, hence the reason I didnt for one second believe anyone would have an affair with him LOL.

I remember wanting to know all about the ow, what did she look like, what was the attraction, what was her background etc etc. Turns out she was also cheating. Anyway, 4 years later the ex is still with her, she is beaten up on a regular basis, often seen walking around with black eyes, broken nose, she even approached our daughter shouting ''your fecking father is a monster''. Oh well you wanted him love, he''s all yours, cause you know what, she''s as good as it gets. None of my adults kids bother with him, they walk past him in the street, if I see him I just walk past him as though he is a stranger. He is a nothing, a non entity to me and our children. And by the way, I had no influence over the adult kids relationship with him, they all hated him for the way he treated me before the affair came to light.

Its only natural to want to know everything about the ow in the early days, but there comes a point when you simply couldnt care less anymore. I''ve been told he deeply regrets the affair, ha ha, thats his loss.

People who have affairs display the same Modus Operandi pattern, all of the posters on this thread I can relate to, and I think Asram has summed everything up in his post. My ex abused me verbally and physically and told me time and time again that it was all my fault that HE had an affair. Strange that is, I didnt realise I could actually control another person''s brain to that extent.

Wishing you all the best for your new future without the loser.

Thanks for this -I hope you now have the wonderful life you deserve for putting up with that tw.t for so long! My one daughter is amazing and supportive and can see what it''s doing to me. At least I have her.