I got my Decree Nisi
by email this morning
In the name of heaven wouldn''t you think lawyers would remember there are people at the end of this process and have some humanity and not send it by email on a Saturday when one is alone and not expecting it?
And I wondered if anyone else continued like me just to remember the good times and not the last few months when my hitherto sweet and loving husband had become this angry, shouty person, buying a sports car, worrying about losing his hair and spending every hour at the gym.
All I do remember is that it was our wedding say 12 years ago this weekend and how happy we were. Alrhough he now says he was not in love but thought love would come later- that I had pusheds him into it and he didn''t want to lose me (inference the lifestyle as I was a Director on a big salary with a lovely BMW he adored driving) omce this had all gone a few years later when I had a car crash and then several gynae ops and depression- his career started to take off and he drew away from me.
But I miss him. And I am stuck in this great big house while he pays me a pittance to pay the mortgage and feed eight cats, six chickens and me- it is very rural so I also have to run a car on that amount. MINIMUM it used to take is £1500 a month but I get £900 as he asked me to cut it all right down so we could save and go on hols. Later I found he had alreday rented a house for £600 a month and was having an affair
I have lost all his family, most of our joint friends and as he is ten years younger I am sure he will find another partner. 50 uear old men do not want to date 50 year old women who cry a lot and why should they?
So today, I feel very, very , very sad.
I had to sell my rings as he left no money at Christmas. I have even been thinking of comtacting him and saying I know I was a hopeless wife as he told me when he left me but I am sorry and I will be great if he gives me another chance?
Does this work? Has anyone tried it?
All my life I have heard I am too bright for my own good and too restless and these are not compliments. I didn''t cope well with not being able to work or have children and the offer so far is 50/50 equity split of £210,000 and 20 per cent of his pension CETV
£242,000 plus I can keep all my accident compensation money which amounts to £46,000 now as I have had to get people in to finish the jobs he didn''t before I can get it on the market,
Yet I still miss him so so much.
How do you EVER EVER get over something this big? My friends are great but I have zilch family support and I am having to wind up my ltd Company all on my own and help my mother with Dad''s dementia.
I once earned £100k plus and was really sharp and loved work. Today I got turned down for a job at £6.10 an hour as a kitchen assistant.
Any tips, butt kicks- anything- welcome.