sad

Good God no
I never ever want to meet someone else and I am not going to join Line dacing or Zumba classes or whatever epople do in the hope they will. That''s it for me with men, I would not survive another marriage breakdown. As it was I sliced my wrists at Christmas and was under the Crisis team for three mnonths- not atht is permanently on my records.
I am so pleased for you, but I won''t make space for a partner or trust anyone. I lost my husband, my last chance at children 14 family members inc the nephews and nieces I loved so much, got peritonitis, pleaurisy and then shingles in quick succession, and the shock was awful. I loved him so much. I won''t ever love anyone that much again. Conscious choice. It gives away your power. You had stopped loving your partner-I dan''t, gaven''t- but I will,

I had to laugh. I come from a council house background and used to make ends meet on £11k years ago. Everything I have got I have studied hard for, networked and worked my arse off for. Doing something from home here is lonely- six miles from two, no near neighbours. I can and I will wurvive but please don''t think because I once earned a big salary that I think I am special because I don''t think that about myself at all. Ben wanted the big house- not me-he wanted the country lifem the executive wife but when she turned into NOT this wage earner and confided that her Dad had abused her he went mad and said ''if I had known that before we married I would have known not to marry you. I don''t believe you or trust you and you didn''t go the Police''

Kitsi I know where you are at the moment. My situation is very similar in a lot of ways as I am miles from anywhere, have been through a husband who pushed and forced me to work in more and more prestigious jobs, was forced to social climb when I would prefer to stick with my roots, and controlled by a man who is really just a weak bully. The thing is my marriage lasted 22 years and for the second half of that I was coming to the realisation that I was being abused, contolled and bullied by a man who took away my confidence, threatened me to keep me and teated my children in the same way. So I had the chance to fall out of love with him, which you haven''t had. If things had dragged on as they did in my marriage you may have also had the chance to fall out of love (if that is what it is in a relationship with that type of man, which I very much doubt) and you would be feeling further down the recovery process.

I separated two years ago and said that I would never go near another man, and when approached I would send any male off with a large flea in their ear. I told everyone I would never go out with, have a relationship with, or speak to unless absolutely necessary, another man in my life. Then after 18 months circumstances very unexpected and wierd brought a man into my life who changed my view entirely and I am now for possibly the first time in my life, happy. So although you feel that you want to climb your tower, permanently seal the doors and pull up the drawbridge tat may change when you are not looking, and not expecting it.

Sadness and betrayal can creep up on you when you are blissfully happy, but so can love and happiness when you are in the depths of dispair.

I truly am so happy for you it worked that way
but I will not even be slightly open to it. I have friends who men- nice guys...
But I will not let myself have another partner. I am glad you are happy yet don''t you ever find yourself thinking ''okay- when is this one goinmg to screw up'' as I know I would! Ben was everyone''s golden boy. A man of integrity and love. Then- wham.

Hi
Yes I do sometimes look for my new partner to mess up and I do look for problems where there aren''t any, but I am gradually learning to trust, and this wonderful man is completely unlike stbx in every possible way. He understands that I have been through hell just as he has with two previous cheating partners snf between us we can make allowances for slightly irrational thinking in our own areas of difficulty. The big thing though is that we communicate and let each other know how we feel and it means that issues can be dealt with quickly and easily before they brew up into a major paranoid fixation. It takes a special man to deal with my issues and I have found one, strangely though he also feels that he has found someone special and we both take the time and trouble to make things work.

I think that''s lovely and I am really happy for you
It certainly sounds like you deserve it

Many blessings be
Debbie

J of H

Thankyou for giving us all hope.

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