6 weeks on x

Tracey

I hope you take some comfort that you are not alone, and that others have experienced your shock and devastation but eventually you will start to feel human again.

The first I knew about my ex''s affair was when I came across a rental agreement signed by my ex and a female. The hurt was unbelievable made worse by the fact that it was all so preplanned and meditated. Scum indeed, I can genuinely say now though that I feel I had a lucky escape. One day you really will see this too, but it will take time.

hi tracey, they end up telling so many lies, they couldnt tell the truth from fiction most of time, if he makes you feel uncomfortable then dont see him, dont let him try and worm his way back in, a leopard never changes its spots remember, 6 weeks is only a short time, youre on the emotional rollercoaster right now, it will get better i promise take care xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hang in there, from the posts you can see you are not alone and I too am one of the ''gang''. My X led a double life for an incredibly long time before I discovered it!
The deceit and betrayal is devestating and destructive.
I am seven months on, and am in a better place but the anger I can still feel towards him can be consuming and unnerving! I had to go to councelling!
Please believe the others, have no or very little contact with X, this is probably the best way to retain your sanity.
I try and not have any contact with mine just now, I think I would put a frying pan to him!
Another thing to be mindful of is the lies.
What I found incredulous were the LIES. They just seemed to multiply and he really believed them and reinvented our past etc. I even began to question myself! I kept all his texts as they sometimes proved he had said something he later denied!
He told me he and the OW were finished and that she was a psycho, he said he lived alone and had not left me for her!
All the while he and her were house hunting! He is still with her, happily now!

SO you can see a common thread, it appears all the adulterers can lie amazingly well, they seem to role easily off their tongues. I suppose they had to learn to lie, to do what they did and maybe can''t stop themselves now.
So just beware.
Look after yourself, take one day at time. Please come on here regularly and we are all around to offer support.
Big Hugs x

Some good comments have come before me so you can see there is some experience here.

You''re in the early days so just hold on and you''ll make it through (honest).

Get ready for the next stages though. Stiull to come are the blame game where it is all your fault and you really left him no choice. Also, a personal favourite of mine, is the unbelieveable anger that your husband will direct at you. Then comes the reformulating of history - and he will believe his truth! It will be like you were in different lives.

My advice is very simple. Focus on you and your stuff. Anytime you think about him or get angry at him or yearn for him just stop. Focus on you and what you need. Put you first. Even before your kids. For now, focus on you. This is actually harder than you might think. Do some small things for you every day. Treat yourself like you''re special - because you are!

Hi Tracey,

IT DOESN''T MATTER WHAT THE FECK HE WANTS!

He has made his choice have an affair and leave you to live in his flat he had lined up secretly.

That''s very much a plus point at least you don''t have to live with the lying cheat anymore.

He''d love to have you dangling on a string I''m sure.After all you''ve been together 20 years I presume with a kid of 18 so he will be find certain aspects of the relationship with you beneficial for him.

BUT you can''t allow him to pick and choose.

Yourself belongs to you.Ok he was married to you so he got all the benefits of the friendship companionship loyalty being loving.BUT that''s a two way street you don''t get that if you''ve been playing hide the sausage with another bird in your secret bachelor pad.

STOP talking to him all together.
Tell him straight look you''re a lying cheating cxxt.You''re devious as FECK I''ve got nothing in common with you whatsoever on moral outlook don''t insult me any further by speaking to me.Everything out your mouth is a lie.You can''t be trusted.
The only thing I''m interested off you is how much I''m going to take you to the cleaners for in the divorce settlement.
NOW FECK OFF!!

All the best
HRH xx

HRH - where were you when I needed you! LOL

Hi Tracy,
Sorry to see you here, but this site and it''s people will be a "godsend" if you so need.
I can only offer my sympathy and support, and say that the previous replies say it as it is!! You doubt now, as I did initially, but you will find it does get slightly better day by day. You are NOT alone in this, it seems par for the course. We, whom belived in our marriages, were the last to see or realise the double lives being lived by the other, and the shock and utter devastation on finding out is beyond describable words!!
Watch out for the "blame game", whereas it is all your fault, you made me do this, I have had xx years of hell with you - it is all c**p, they know/knew exactly what they were doing and why!! You do NOT need someone like that in your life, ignore the requests for "being frinds", it is only to ease their guilt, minimum contact at the very least, if required, and then let him contact you!!
This will be a tough "gig", and there will be times when you feel like caving in and begging for him to come back etc.. You will need to stay tough, I don''t think you can put it any better than HRH has - who the feck needs someone like that in their lives..
Chin up girl - you WILL make it
x
Mart....