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Is it unique to my husband

  • freeeee
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18 Aug 12 #350344 by freeeee
Topic started by freeeee
Hi every one.
Is it unique 2 my husband who wants the dvorce to act the way he is? OR Do others,do the same?

That is to say,he is walking around place like the end is nigh.
His face, WELL.....

He has just about managed to string a few words together to make a couple of sentences.Albeit to ask/tell me what is happening with the house dec./repairs.

Its true what they say "you can be in a crowded room & still feel lonely"

I am finding it v.v. hard this "Don''t prepare me any food.I will sort my self out"

I find myself unable to eat anyway,can''t get the energy up to make any thing for myself.

This barely talking is killing me & the little B*****d knows this.

I will move out of the area totally when house is sold/divorce is finalised.

My fear is that I have never lived in the area I have decided to move to (but is only 2hr drive away from my kids to come & visit me.)

The burning question is, should I rent up there asap with the idea of buying up there eventually.BUT coz I''ve no money of my own, & my little P/T job won''t cover costs, so I would have to go cap in hand to HIM!!!!

I love my job, the Boss is great but it would mean that I would have to drive back here weekly ''til I can find employment there. It does not pay much, so what I do earn will be used for the travel expenses.

I find it so difficult to live with him, BUT if I''ve got make the move, surely it would be better sooner rather than later. I don''t think I could cope with moving into rental accomadation here then moving again....

If I stay here then I would have to put a lot of my stuff into storage I think.
If I rented up there all my stuff could be stored there.

Here I am have relied on my Husband all my married life to make the decions & now I''m thrown into the BIG BAD WORLD!!!!!

Any offers of advice would be greatfully received.

  • Nigella19
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18 Aug 12 #350390 by Nigella19
Reply from Nigella19
Hi happynot, I have been following your posts.
In answer to your question I do not think the behaviour you describe is unique to your husband. Once they want out my experience is that most of them act in a similar way. Usually they have been planning their exit for some time. You on the other hand have some catch up to do even to get to grips with this shocking news and you are still in shock that you are going to be left alone after all these years.
It''s natural your focus is still on him, after all it has been for all the years of your marriage - what he says, how his face looks, the way he is walking around. And it will drive you mad. However harsh, you have to try your best to get your focus off him and on to you. Your emotions are all over the place (natural) whilst they are being driven by what he looks like and what he says. You need to try to quiet your mind so you can think straight. Hard I know but important. I can''t remember whether you said you are having any counselling or seeing your GP for help. If not, it might be an idea. I did and it did not give me all the answers, but it helped.
You don''t need to be concerned whether he is eating or starving to death, I''m sure he is big enough and ugly enough to look after himself - he has told you not to prepare food for him, don''t - instead concentrate on having something nutritious yourself even if it is yogurt or soup or something you can get down. I too could not face food and the weight dropped off me at an alarming rate - very unhealthy.
Try to get your mind in a better place and then think about the moving to a new place, whether to rent etc.
One thing, about leaving the job. I found with all the changes going on in my life my job gave me at least some sense of normality and structure - I knew the role, knew the people and I could do without the extra stress of proving myself in a new role and getting to know new work colleagues at that point in time. That is worth considering. I did move on into a new role but not till over a year later.
Also, like you I looked at moving away. I actually wanted to run away as far as possible from my ex and his OW. In the end I decided I should stay in the same area for a while, keep with my existing job and people I knew. For me it was the better decision, however my child being still in school did have an impact on that too (i think your kids are older).
No answers - but a few things to think about hopefully. Best wishes, Nige.

  • Canuck425
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18 Aug 12 #350418 by Canuck425
Reply from Canuck425
Take a deep breath and go slowly. You have some big decisions to make and you want to know that you''re making good ones. Remember that you can always change your mind! If you move away and it doesn''t work then you can move back. You can do whatever you want! Really.

I have found that there is very little in all of this that is unique. There seems to be unique spins to the same sad tale.

Focus on you and your stuff. Do what is best for you. Really focus on that.

Good luck!

  • Marshy_
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25 Aug 12 #351947 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi HappyNot

happynot wrote:

Any offers of advice would be greatfully received.

Start with the big ones. Where could you or would you be most likely to earn the most as against living costs. You have to earn money. You need the maximum money for the least effort. And you need to spend as little as poss to live. Conqure those two and you have cracked it.

I always think that if you want or need a fresh start, move somewhere that you dont know anyone. That way, you get a totally new change of scene and you **have** to start anew. C.

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