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Ten months in and it''s exactly the same...

  • ConfusedDad
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15 Oct 12 #360993 by ConfusedDad
Topic started by ConfusedDad
It''s been over ten months now since my wife left me for someone else and to say I''m struggling is an understatement. I''ve seen a relate councillor, a CBT therapist, a psychologist and been on and come off citalapram. I''m no nearer to feeling better, I miss her so much and the life we had, I miss my daughter when I don''t see her and I hate the fact that she likes my wife''s boyfriend. I go over and over the events and am stuck in the past...because having her back is the only thing I want.

I drink every night, I sit in my local pub on my own...and I hate the empty shell of a person I have become.

I do socialise, have a good job, kept my house, see my daughter 50% of the time but I feel like I''ve lost everything that matters. I love my daughter so much but it''s not enough...without my wife..they were my family as a whole, this new reality just feels like a nightmare, a Groundhog Day. I just can''t understand how she could just leave and destroy everything...she''s the only one who is now truly happy but can you be truly happy when you''ve chosen a path that means you only see your daughter half the time?

December last year I was so happy, planning another baby and now my world has ended and I just tread water hoping for something to change, but it isn''t and I have an intense fear that it won''t and I''m running on empty...how long can you live feeling miserable everyday?

I feel the need to apologise for the depressive tone of my post but it''s how I feel and...well that''s it I guess...

  • jar of hearts
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15 Oct 12 #360994 by jar of hearts
Reply from jar of hearts
You are clearly mourning your relationship with your wife and have a long way to go before you reach any acceptance that it is at an end. Your wife made the decision unilaterally to end your marriage and so she is much further along the path in acceptance that your marriage is over than you are. She will have been through the stages of unhappiness, sadness and downright misery before she made the decision to leave and is now on the path to recovery and normality. Don''t think that she is completely over things just because she is in another relationship, but she is much further along the line. The end of your marriage came as a shock to you and there is therefore a lot of emotion to deal with as well as a lot of practicalities. It sounds as if you have had some help in your journey towards a more normal existence but it is unclear from your post exactly how much help and whether this is on-going. It sounds as if you definitely need support through counselling and possibly support through medication, rather than self medicating with alcohol. If you are taking medication it is important then that you don''t use alcohol as well. Although it feels as if a few drinks make your problems dull as your thinking clouds, it tends to just amplify the feelings you already have and therefore will make you feel more depressed and sad and will stop you being able to think through your issues in any constructive fashion.

Be kind to yourself in any way you can. Treat yourself in nice ways to give yourself a boost, and try to involve yourself in positive activities rather than just a trip to the pub. Are you eating well? This is important to keep you well physically but also mentally and will also show yourself that you care about you. Make sure that you see your friends and family on a regular basis both to chat over your problems but also just to relax and try to have a little time away from dwelling on things. If you aren''t already doing so visit your GP or specialist and be honest about how you feel and how you are dealing with it. Also remember that there are normally people around on here to chat with in the chat room or on the forum and we have all been where you are now and can offer support.


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