found it so hard!

Ha ha. Since I posted this I found out that my ex had someone else lined up all along. I suspect he spent Christmas eve with her at our house while I was away with our kids before going on to his parents. Silly Silly me. Uncovering his double life would have been more entertaining than watching a soap opera if it hadn''t been happening to me! I''m through it now but it''s been a pretty devastating roller coaster. Since then we''ve gone to court, and reaching settlement now but he''s still holding back on finances.

Sadly that''s a pretty typical story - one partner claiming they want out as they are unhappy, and protests of "of course there is no-one else!". But there usually is if it''s out of the blue and one partner is blindsided. Hope your roller coaster trip is easing now.

It is thank you Vastra. Although it''s taken months and months of heartache and therapy. Sometimes it comes from behind and hits me unexpectedly but those moments are less frequent. The best thing was that at court he offered me all the contents of the house. Just a bone I know but I realised if I took it I would never have to see him again. No negotiations over all the things I collected to build a home for us and the kids. No nightmares about the OW sitting on our furniture! :

IM still waiting for this realization. Everyone tells me he must have OW, i still dont believe it. but i cannot fathom why anybody would walk out on the life we had for no good reason. just about getting over the trying to rationalize everything but as you say, it creeps up on you.Hope there a more good days than bad as time goes on. all the best

I too had been married almost 30 years. It is hard, and Christmas was especially bad. I''ve found new friends and interests by joining Meetup groups in my area. Just put in "meetups" into your computer search, and the town where you live. There are numerous suggestions, I joined a walking one and a socialising one and have made some good new friends.
I also found counselling very helpful in getting over the trauma of the break up and the book "Goodbye Mr Ex" - made sense.
Good luck - every day things get easier

So many women I talk to have had similar experiences. My ex was so intense and passionate I just did not have an inkling there was anyone else. His extreme jealousy could be suffocating at times. But now I realise there have been many women on and off for years. He was also very volatile and cruel but in spite of this had me in his grip. I don''t think he''d have let me go if there hadn''t been another willing victim to take my place. I''m going to shake her by the hand and say thank you if I ever encounter her. Which I hope I don''t. Ive read a lot about narcissism since he left and boy does he fit the bill. I''m well out of it : Good luck to the OW