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found it so hard!

  • Marshy_
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30 Dec 13 #417297 by Marshy_
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Hollyxxx wrote:

Im struggling just want to curl up into a ball in the corner of a room, and it all to go away! how weak is that, and believe me thats coming from a normally very strong person. oh well another day tomorrow and more s**t will prob hit the fan.


Its not a weakness to be over run with all this. This is a situation that you have no experience with. A fish out of water. But you are right to count your blessings. We all had some upsides. Be strong. C.

  • emeraldbutterfly
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30 Dec 13 #417298 by emeraldbutterfly
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Hi Holly,
you are not weak.you are a strong capable woman.
its okay to feel rubbish, you know i had a wobble this week it has been the most incredibly hard week for us, but its nearly over.
and in another 48 hours our New Year will have started.

Each of us will deal with the coming year differently but we must reach out and grasp every opportunity that we are given with both hands to make new friends and new experiences so that we make new memories to draw on when these tough times hit us. Holly you will make it we will. Yes along the way there will be more stuff that hits that fan but we will get there.

Next Christmas will be different .

((())) to you

  • Caley
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30 Dec 13 #417308 by Caley
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Hi Holly,
My marriage was a long one, 27 years, and like you I had no family of my own as such growing up. My support and my family became my husband and his family. My husbands father, ( my father in law ) actually walked me down the aisle on my wedding day, to give me away.
So I know how painful it is, not only to loose a husband, discover he was leading a double life, be powerless as he moves into ow home, and his family, who were my extended family, disappear from my life almost overnight. The trauma and shock is not as it was 5 years ago, but this time of year is terribly lonely and painful.
I take one day at a time, sometimes I laugh and I have some good friends. I think it is a heavy burden for any human being to carry and often I can''t always share with them how I feel.
The loneliness is awful and also sometimes scary, being a woman on my own.
At least on this site I can ramble on about how I feel, if it''s a good day or a bad day and if it is a bad day, not to feel under pressure from well meaning freinds/family to ''sort yourself out'' or ''should be over it by now''
Here there are no expectations and thats a huge relief I think for all of us.

  • stemginger
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30 Dec 13 #417314 by stemginger
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Holly, I felt your post tackled the loneliness and shittiness of it all. Yes we can begin a new life but when it''s not your choice, it''s much harder. You have been married for a long time and he was way ahead of you. My in-laws have faded away too. 20 years of regular Sunday lunches with his mother and now no communication even though she lives round the corner. It''s bloody sad...no two ways about it. Your in-laws may feel shame about the way he has behaved and as Shezi said don''t know what to do. In truth my Xmas was tough like yours although I put my brave face on. It still feels like he was here only yesterday. Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow

  • Wendy29
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31 Dec 13 #417321 by Wendy29
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Hello Holly

I know exactly how you feel. :(This is the first time in 31 years I''ve spent Xmas without my husband. A year ago I would have been astonished to see where I am now. We seemed to have everything going for us. But sadly my h was starting to go through some inner turmoil which culminated in his walking out in August. I never anticipated how hard Xmas would be. My consolation is that our kids chose to spend it with me. My heart bleeds for my h and what he must be feeling. Theres nothing i can do to help him. The only thing i can do is look after myself. Thank goodness the new year is nearly here. Hang on in there Holly. Better times are ahead. We have to get through the nightmare and make them happen. X

  • CakesandFlowers
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31 Dec 13 #417343 by CakesandFlowers
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This Christmas has been the hardest yet for my partner. It marks another year of no contact and yesterday he heard that not only were the birthday cards that were sent ripped up but so were the Christmas cards, in the middle of the street!!!!

There is also the issue of the upcoming court date, where there will still be no disclosure and more lies by his stbx.

  • Hollyxxx
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31 Dec 13 #417345 by Hollyxxx
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Thank you all so very much, I feel a lot better today perhaps its the thought that this is the last day of this terrible year. Im looking forward to tomorrow and Im going to treat it as the start of my new life, yes I have the financial settlement to sort out which should be fun and games but Im going to ride that storm and not let it take over me, I have just existed this year, in 2014 Im going to start living again. Happy new year to you all.

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