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  • NWGuy
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27 Nov 14 #450184 by NWGuy
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Hi ross78

Unfortunately in my opinion, and experience, the stbx''s still feel they can pull strings with you.

They have chosen their path and maybe gain some satisfaction from watching you in pain. Warped I know but am sure others will back me up here.

Of course you want her back and are happy when she says she is splitting up. But she is toying with you mate - keeping you on a string.

If you show her that you can get on with your life and move forward that will get inside her head. Am not saying you cant work it out and get back together - there are cases on here that happen but they arent really documented - but dont pin your hopes on it.

The best thing you can do is make plans and live life for you and see what happens.

Reading back this might all seem a bit harsh when you are hurting mate - but having being dangled on the string I dont want someone else to experience what i have been through - its like picking at a scab that will never heal

  • polar
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27 Nov 14 #450187 by polar
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Why is it that they want to parade the new prize in front of you and can''t understand that instead of being friends you would rather hit them with a baseball bat !!
How quaint. Please come out with us as a couple and then the OG will be thinking ''''I am Scr***** your x and laughing at you''''
Oh great. That would be my idea of a fun night out.

So she says she is splitting up with the OG.
Great. Another guy to the slaughter . Yes I have seen this happen . Wrecked first guys life, cleaned out second guy completely and now cleaning out a third.

NWGUY is right. She is keeping you as an option. Dangling you on the string and giving you some hope. You are living in a world of maybe maybe maybe.
My x did this. Thanks for the years of help . Now can do without you I don''t need you but if things go wrong I know that you will be a silly bugger and take me out when I''m bored.
I won''t be a second option. I am the only option. And I don''t want sloppy seconds.
In fact she is cheating on the other guy by even considering a drink with you !!

Cut those strings and become the guy who has a better life.

  • Marshy_
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27 Nov 14 #450188 by Marshy_
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ross78 wrote:

I don''t know what to think, I''m back to not sleeping always thinking about her and him.

Any Advice is always welcome

Halt all contact. Thats the only cure. And what NW Guy said is right.

Of course you want her back and are happy when she says she is splitting up. But she is toying with you mate - keeping you on a string.

She is toying with you. And thats fairly common. She see''s you as a safe harbour. Comfortable. But also a doormat. A stepping stone. Stop all contact unless its about the kids. Drinks at xmas and all the rest of it, has to be off the table. A no no.

Making out something is your idea is turning the tables. Classic projection behaviour. If someone new did this to you?, you would walk away. Bad bad bad person. Snog, Marry Avoid? Avoid all day long.

Most people find it hard to say goodbuy. Both of you are not an exception. Say goodbuy. Take the lead. And have no truck with her whatsoever. This is your path out of this mess. It will be hard at 1st. But it gets easier as time go''s on. Marshy.

  • polar
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27 Nov 14 #450191 by polar
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I agree 100% Marshy

Stop all contact..no phone no texts zilch.

My x played me on the proverbial string for a while. Her attitude was ..Thanks for the marriage and helping me get to where I am. Now I don''t need you but I might if things don''t go the way I planned.

Took me about 3 months to wake up and then I would only communicate through her solicitor.
I did everything myself except the drafting of the Consent Order. I saved £££££££££.

It was when I stopped talking that she blew a gasket and showed her real colours !!!!! And she became the nasty ***** she had hidden for years.

  • NellNoRegrets
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27 Nov 14 #450208 by NellNoRegrets
Reply from NellNoRegrets
I agree with Polar and Marshy

Stop contact.

I found it so much easier when I avoided my ex when he came round to see our sons. He wanted to be mates (I can only assume this was so he did''t have to feel guilty that he''d left) and even suggested my mother would be glad to meet his new girlfriend.

He said a lot of things I found difficult, but I now realise he was - and is - deluded. I mean he still wants to talk to me about his relationship with his gf as though I''m his sister or something. He even thought my Mum would be glad to meet her - I mean how deluded is that?!

Once you avoid contact you''ll be able to see things in better perspective.

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