Really struggling

I feel for you, I really do. The early days are horrendous, but if we`ve done it then you will in your own time.
when I first joined this site nearly 3 years ago vikki starks `runaway husbands` was recommended to me, please buy and read it, it has helped a lot of us on here xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi there
I am 11 months down the line and can remember what it feels like. Its horrible and I sympathize. You ask how to get from grief from anger; it takes time. I don''t know how long, it''s different for each person I suspect. I had a good friend who said to me after about 6 months, "OK, now you have to make yourself feel angry to start moving on". She was right, I was ready then to make that change. I think you will know when you are ready but 9 weeks is a very short time. Maybe wait a little while longer before you try.Keep posting on her and reading everyone''s threads and blogs. It really helps I think, just to know how many others have felt, and are feeling, like you do. The people on here are so supportive as they know what it feels like. I agree with Killbill, set small goals, one good thing everyday that''s just for you , even if its only a hot bath or one chapter of a good book.

As the others are saying, 9 weeks is early on, it is still very raw and believe us it will get easier.
For months I had an endless replay of hurtful scenes and conversations, and kept ruminating endlessly on "why didn''t I see it or do something?".
Keep doing what you are doing, I also found reading Runaway husbands and really vigorous exercise very helpful. My sister in law also got me into knitting which was calming.
I''m 20 months on now and am feeling so much better, apart from the odd blip like on the date of my wedding anniversary
Hang in there this horrible roller coaster ride will not last forever xx

Thanks everyone.

WinterBaby wrote:

Does anyone have any tips to make it easier to deal with?

Thanks

Think how you would be if you wasnt doing all the self help? You would be a lot worse.

But your doing the right things. All good. Keep doing them.

There is no magic pill or words that I can say or anyone else can say. You just have to live thru it. But there is one overriding principle to pain. Everyone at some time suffers it. No matter who they are. No one gets to walk between the raindrops and not get wet. And being in pain means that you have something to measure against. Pleasure is all the more better when you have gone to the depths of despair and pain. Marshy.

Thank you everyone. Your advice has been really helpful. I''ve started a journal so I can put my thoughts on paper and look back to remind myself of the progress I have made.

Depression was the topic at my divorce group last night and I totally related to the part about apathy. Do other people find this a problem?

Yes depression was really severe for me with lots of suicidal thoughts, rumination and negative feelings and has lasted for about nine months and slowly getting better. I actually think I was depressed or exhausted in my ''relationship'' or both but 50 times worse when i had to leave. Refused medication. If you do some reading around it is a natural part of the grief cycle and I just accepted it and tried to do the things that help. E.g exercise, meditation (good to give brain relief), speaking to people, joining new activities. It is really really hard though when you are in the grips of it to do these things I know. I basically tried to fake it i.e doing things that I would normally do if i was well. The one key thing for me was the exercise and sweating the stress and feelings out. Even my doctor told me to keep doing it and he told me that i was not ill was just going through a process.