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unable to move on

  • treaclepie
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12 Dec 14 #451491 by treaclepie
Topic started by treaclepie
I have been seperated for 23 months now to a man I was married to for 22 years. Twice I had a breeakdown and I cried everyday for a year. My ex took my daughter off me becasue I was ill, it was supposed to be temporary but he applied for sole residence then 6 months dowen the line h said I could have her back but we had to stop the court process and go via a solicitor.I finally found meds that worked with the edge of depression but I have more bad days than good, Im very lonely,very unhappy and can not stop thinking about my ex even after he has left me with someone else this takes over everything. I desperately want to move on everyone keeps saying this but how do you do it. Im not self motivated and I punish myself all the time, I still have not got my daughter back but now at least I know she is coming. I sonce found out that my ex is trying not to pay me so that he can move in with the girlfriend ad he can not afford two properties.When does this ever end, its been too long now.

  • Marshy_
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12 Dec 14 #451495 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi TreaclePie. There was a thread recently on exactly this topic. Have a read thru it and see if any of it works for you.


Rest assured though that you can conquer this. I am living proof of that.


  • NellNoRegrets
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12 Dec 14 #451497 by NellNoRegrets
Reply from NellNoRegrets
Stop punishing yourself! Treat yourself as you would a friend in the same position. Be kind to yourself, don''t expect miracles. Separation and loss take time to adjust to.

Try to have things to look forward to - just simple things like a hot chocolate or listening to a favourite piece of music. Music can be good for lifting your mood.

The difficulty with feeling sad and depressed is that it feels like there is no point in doing anything - but doing ANYTHING is better than not. If you can make yourself go for a walk every day or do some exercise - dancing or vacuuming - it will help, honest. I''ve been there and done it!

Small steps. Congratulate yourself on how well you are doing, don''t focus on how bad everything is. Remember you are not the only person who has been through/is going through this.

  • Home alone feeling better
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13 Dec 14 #451525 by Home alone feeling better
Reply from Home alone feeling better

As everyone has said already be kind to yourself, take deep breaths and reflect.

Keep looking forwards, you have so much already, you just cannot see it. You have a daughter that needs her mum and you need her.

I took up exercising and also went for counselling. They have both helped massively physically and mentally.

You will get there x

  • justy_one
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14 Dec 14 #451557 by justy_one
Reply from justy_one
Just read through the post and replies Marshy linked to... wow... what a lot of brilliant and very thought-provoking advice.
I still wish I didn''t have to be here, but at the same time am glad I found this site x

  • WinterBaby
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24 Dec 14 #452146 by WinterBaby
Reply from WinterBaby

Are you able to access counselling? GPs can refer you to your local NHS service or find out which charities can help and self-refer. If you can afford to pay privately, have a look on the Counselling Directory or BACP websites.

I''m not religious but I joined a divorce group that a church run. Being around other people who understand how I feel is so helpful and I just pick and choose the parts of the course that apply to me and ignore the rest.

I''m also a firm believer in picking up the phone. Friends, family, the Samaritans, Saneline and my local Crisis Team are all in my list of people to phone when I''m having a bad time.

Hope this helps.

  • elizadoolittle
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25 Dec 14 #452155 by elizadoolittle
Reply from elizadoolittle
Reading your post and it could have been me. Some people say I am still obsessing too much about stbx. But I have improved such a lot.

I used to ask like you: but HOW do I move on? HOW do I look on the bright side? HOW do I take it less personally? I am still not sure what turned it around except I put in a lot of work. I needed to understand how he could do this etc. my mind was like a washing machine, round and round.

I could think of nothing else. Couldn''t read a book, watch telly, nothing. Couldn''t sleep. Panicked.

My GP referred me to counsellors inc CBT but I was too far gone. I have now had almost a year of psychoanalytical therapy (NHS) and wouldn''t have missed it for the world. Used to think it was self indulgent navel gazing claptrap. Now wish I had done it years ago and saved myself a lot of heartache. But I would not have been ready I guess.

Still not sleeping but feeling much more positive about myself, which is what it is all about.

I do have another secret weapon in the battle to overcome adversity. Pm me if you want to know more. But I reckon therapy and a readiness to be challenged and to change are the main tools. Good luck.

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