Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Declan

This is my 3rd one to. I worked Christmas Eve till midnight and tried not to resent the fact that I was not at home on what is my favorite day of the year. I got home and summoned by two boys (25 and 22) and they have just watched White Christmas with me. Why would I want to be in snowy Vermont amongst the wonderful comeraderie when I have everything here.

Two Christmasy''s ago I was in a bad place. Today my heart is full of warmth and I know I will have my day in the sun. Here''s wishing that you get yours to.

Warmest wishes for the New Year.

LG xXx

Warm wishes to all wikis. I won''t say merry Xmas because some of you will burst into tears or snort with derision as I would have done.

This is my third Xmas since stbx abandoned us.

First was miserable but I was sustained by the thought that it was all a horrible mistake brought on by my nagging etc and that he would soon be back and all would be well.

A year later I was miserable because I realised it was all over and various facts had been revealed such that he was essentially a crook, a liar and a fool. I had petitioned for divorce but was terrified of the future.

Since then a few things have changed. I have had a year of therapy which has helped me no end. Objectively my situation is a million times worse (family relations and finances). But I am much stronger and saner and feel blessed to have good people in my life. Life is worse but I am better and so enjoy it more.

Who knows what next Christmas will bring? It will be all change for me: new home, not sure which children, need to find a way to support myself after 20 years a SAHM. I will have to manage my own affairs all by myself for the first time and instead of feeling petrified I am looking forward to the challenge and starting even to feel grateful for the lessons this has brought me.

I won''t lie to you newbies: I still cry almost every day. I still feel overwhelmed. But I see light ahead and am looking forward.

If you read some of my earlier posts I suspect they show that nobody could have been more devastated and helpless than I. Wise wikis saw better than I did that I would emerge from the utter despair. If I can do it, so can you.

So all the best to all for the difficult time of year. And many grateful thanks to all who have supported me through the last two gruesome years. Sending you all big hugs xx

Ps yes It''s 4am! I still can''t sleep, but I am not frantic! Little by little...

Happy Christmas all, I can''t sleep either I''ve been torturing myself with pictures on Facebook of the stbx doing Christmas Eve. It''s early days for me and it hurts that he has moved on so completely while I am still in pieces but I will come through this, the stories on here reassure me of that.

Hi there
Thank you for the responses . I read every post and so much pain going on out therec. We are not alone Eh .

Today ,I will smile and try enjoy this day . Inside I''m different of course but I will try.

So once again Merry Christmas one and all let''s try put the past behind

D

Hope it goes OK for you Declan.
Just want to commiserate with Bekyed for the first Christmas being really painful. Trust us, the shock and fear of being alone gets much easier though it takes time.
This is my second Christmas and it was definitely better than last year when I was in floods of tears at my kids going off to Christmas dinner with my ex, his extended family and OW. No tears today but it''s still weird having a small quiet Christmas.