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the D word!

  • lolitajade
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04 Feb 15 #455409 by lolitajade
Topic started by lolitajade
Why is it I have been separated 4.5 years, got used to it apart from a few short lived moments and as soon as he wants a divorce, it is like going back in time. I am up and down all over the place like when the split was very raw.

He has someone else. I don''t. Maybe that is why?? I am looking at the marriage throw rosy coloured spectacles and when I met him, he seemed to picture things very bad.

I know life goes on and good to draw a line etc. And I get very positive days where I am looking forward to adventures. But I can''t help feeling so damn bad about it alot. It is very lonely place.....

What is the magic solution to washing away feelings of guilt, rejection and failure?

Time, I suppose!


  • NellNoRegrets
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04 Feb 15 #455410 by NellNoRegrets
Reply from NellNoRegrets
There is no magic solution.

I have been separated from my ex for nearly 6 years now and only just feel ready to start divorce proceedings. No idea why I delayed, but it does seem so final - even though it is definitely over between us.

He had someone else from the start and I did find it very upsetting that he had someone to talk to about it all, whereas I had to pay for counselling.

Now I realise he is quite deluded. I am enjoying being single. But now and then I am reminded of happy times in my marriage and it saddens me.

But this is how life is. You remember the pleasure, you remember the pain. You don''t get over it, you just get on with it.

  • lolitajade
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04 Feb 15 #455413 by lolitajade
Reply from lolitajade
Your situation and how you feel is exactly the same as mine Nell. He leaped into a new relationship when still in love with me. I know this he even asked me at the time: if it doesn''t work out with her, can we try again'' :)I know he is jealous of my College, friends and single life, whilst he has chosen somebody with young kids.

He now says bad things about me and talks to me like he hates me. I am sure his relationship bubble will end at some point and he is definitely deluded.

The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that I will make sure I have a great life after the line has been drawn.

  • Mitchum
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04 Feb 15 #455414 by Mitchum
Reply from Mitchum
Begin by getting rid of negative words like guilt, rejection and failure.

If you must look back let it be for just long enough to see how far you’ve come, then say goodbye to it.

Holding onto regret for a lost life is like dragging a heavy weight from the past behind us everywhere we go. It drains our energy, leaving us less able to create the new life you long for.

Forgive yourself for the choices you made which turned out badly. Forgiving yourself can heal guilt, rejection and failure.

Release the person you used to be in your marriage with a hug and redirect all that love for someone who left to the new you.

Tell yourself something new and beautiful can grow in its place if you just give it a chance.

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