A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.

Emotional rollercoaster

  • justy_one
  • justy_one's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
08 Feb 15 #455676 by justy_one
Topic started by justy_one
Had a meeting at accountants last Friday and agreed (in hindsight, I think foolishly) to go for a coffee with stbx afterwards.

It''s so difficult in these early days to have ''normal'' conversation without resorting to blame and bickering. While we both know that amicably is the best way to proceed if we are divorcing, it seems like an impossible task - especially the finances.

He is the leaver... I am the Petitioner... I am at a place of accepting the path we are on, whilst still desperately not wanting it.

He left the coffee shop fighting back tears on Friday, and then texted me telling me how bleak his future looked and that he would have no personal or financial security ''just because we had fallen out of love''. I find this so difficult to deal with, because I know I still love him, and despite everything getting back together would be my desire.

I wanted to put my arms round him and say ''let''s stop this... I love you''... I''ve spent the weekend feeling like doing the same. But I think it would just make me look like a fool...

It''s so hard to keep things together when your inside feelings and your outside actions don''t match... Has anyone found a way to deal with this??? Please share xxxx

  • AngieP
  • AngieP's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
08 Feb 15 #455677 by AngieP
Reply from AngieP
Hi justy-one

Also finding financials hard. One thing that comes to mind re your post though is what about your personal or financial security? Very difficult but I think you really have to try and protect your own position at this stage and hard as it is separate emotions from finances etc. I keep reminding myself that only I now have my own best interests at heart. Sounds selfish but I think sometimes you just have to be for your own sake.

Best Wishes.

  • HeadKnowsHeartDoesnt
  • HeadKnowsHeartDoesnt's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
08 Feb 15 #455750 by HeadKnowsHeartDoesnt
Reply from HeadKnowsHeartDoesnt
Hi Justy_One

I am only just getting round to drafting my Petition 13 months on from the start of this sorry mess. I think you are doing really well to have even started trying to sort things out, especially the finances.

Like Angie says what about your personal and financial security? Please start thinking about yourself and getting the best for you, because no one else is going to. I also met with my ex several times at his request at the beginning - it''s fruitless, I came to realise it served no purpose and in the end I had nothing to say to him, and still don''t.

I got the woe is me speech about how was my ex going to live - well tough luck sonny jim, you made this mess and should have thought about the financial implications but he didn''t.

Whilst your emotions are running so high, I would think carefully about dealing with your finances, because you may not have a level head to consider what is best for you.

I hope this helps you.

Take Care

  • sherrara
  • sherrara's Avatar
  • Premium Member
  • Premium Member
08 Feb 15 #455756 by sherrara
Reply from sherrara
Dear justy-one
Hold on a minute he left you you are divorcing he is crying he''ll be out of pocket because you fell out of love or he fell out of love with YOU ! and he weeps his finances will suffer, and you would rather have him back because you love him. Did he say he wants to be with you and you alone, did he go on his knees and ask for forgiveness he will do his utter best to love and protect you and honour you for better for worse. What are your guarantees that he will how would you trust him! I agree that ensuring you are financially secure is of the utmost importance now it''s your security you should think of and he should understand that and that would be a start for him if the relationship could me mended, I hope I didn''t miss anything here, but in my experience I am making sure I am safe financially and who knows what will happen tomorrow, don''t torture yourself, if he is worthy of your love he should show it. Be strong and stand up for yourself because you matter let your head rule you now till you are on safe grounds. All the best to you.

  • justy_one
  • justy_one's Avatar Posted by
  • Senior Member
  • Senior Member
08 Feb 15 #455770 by justy_one
Reply from justy_one
Thank you for your responses. The head / heart dilemma is certainly strong... I''ll take my time (and say no to coffee next time he asks!!)


Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11

The modern, convenient and affordable way to divorce.

No-Fault Divorce £179

We provide the UK's lowest cost no-fault divorce service, managed by a well respected firm of solicitors. 

Online Mediation £250

Online mediation is a convenient and inexpensive way to agree on a fair financial settlement.

Consent Orders from £359

This legally binding agreement defines how assets (e.g. properties and pensions) are to be divided.

Court Support £250

Support for people who have to go to court to get a fair divorce financial settlement without a solicitor.