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Is this normal?

  • Rob6
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20 Mar 15 #458360 by Rob6
Topic started by Rob6
I actually initiated the separation as things were not working out between us after eight years, five of which we have been married for, but I feel so down and anxious.

We both kind of agreed that we''d be better off breaking up, maybe we are, but the feeling of loss is awful. I find it difficult to function.

I''ve been through challenging times in my life but this is tough, maybe age-related too, as I am a middle-aged man. I am quite fearful about the future and it is so unsettling.

I am doing all the textbook things ie keeping a routine, doing lots of exercise, eating well etc. Yet I cannot shake the feeling. An end of a relationship is so difficult to bear, even if it wasn''t the best. I just want to get back to feeling like me again but that''s so elusive right now :(

  • Action
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20 Mar 15 #458363 by Action
Reply from Action
Yup, it''s normal. I was absolutely shocked at how badly it hit me when my 31 year marriage fell apart. It was my worse life experience and I certainly thought long and hard about how I had reacted to other people going through the same, earlier in my life. You just don''t know the pain and anxiety unless you''ve been there. I must say, that my split would have been much easier to deal with if my ex had been fair and reasonable re the finances. Having to negotiate at a time that I was not sleeping and having panic attacks and felt so weak and exhausted was just hideous.

Look after yourself - it will get better in time.

  • Rob6
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20 Mar 15 #458364 by Rob6
Reply from Rob6
Action, thanks for the reply. I think you''re right, I used to hear the word "divorce" bandied about but when you''re experiencing it, the feelings it throws up are sometimes overwhelming.

  • NellNoRegrets
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20 Mar 15 #458393 by NellNoRegrets
Reply from NellNoRegrets
They are overwhelming, but they are just feelings and they will pass eventually. In the meantime, try to have things to look forward to, even if they''re small things.

  • afonleas
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20 Mar 15 #458394 by afonleas
Reply from afonleas
Even though we know that things will be for the best,it does not mean that it hurts any less.
We all started our marriages full of hope,our futures were tied up with that wonderful person by our side:dry:
Statistically half of us were going to fail anyway,but the dream was still there,so when the dream falls apart,we are bound to feel some sadness.

As the others have already said,those feelings are overwhelming,they consume your thoughts constantly,but it does and will get better.
You maybe correct saying about the middle age,I know I also said the same,my life would have followed a differant path if it happened a few years ago,but it never.Now I am of the opinion that things happen when they are supposed to happen,so this is our time,but the fear is there,we are passed it...
Lol...Never,we can do anything we want to do!!!

You say your doing all the text book stuff,but maybe the one that your missing is time...
Time is a massive healer,but you have to give yourself that time,you have to grieve for the loss of your marriage,divorce is a massive no matter who is the one who instigates it,so please do give yourself time.

Stay strong,and look after the most important person in your life....

Afon Xxx

  • NotasStressedDad
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20 Mar 15 #458398 by NotasStressedDad
Reply from NotasStressedDad

It will come in time and has taken me nearly two years to start feeling like my oldself. Just keep doing the things you are doing. I keep a journal of how i was feeling and very interesting to see how things improved over time. My doctor said to me dont compare how you feel to yesterday, last week or last month but to last year and he was right. Prob been through it himself. Best wishes

  • blondecazza
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21 Mar 15 #458402 by blondecazza
Reply from blondecazza

Yes listen to all the replies...time is a great healer and there really is no time limit on this.
I''m four years on and many know on here I went through an incredibly tough time as we all have.Im not fully healed by no means but in a better place then 4 years ago.
Be kind to yourself and take baby steps...If you have a bad day just think tomorrow is another day :)xx

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