What about me?

Is this ''evil stepmother'' syndrome?
I have been on here since 2007 & divorce was my choice. The ex is marrying & has asked 2 of our 3 to be best man & usher, now 29/25/24, so not babies & never close to him.
I have said it is their decision & I don''t need details of the happy day obviously.
My son met her & said she is nice. OK, I was peeved she never had 2 heads & looked like a pig but I listened & said nothing.
HEY! I''m an ex.
My youngest is meeting her tomorrow & suddenly all reason has gone. I feel totally & irrationally threatened & want them to hate her.
Maybe I am scared they will think the grass is greener & stop loving me & make a new family unit without me? Feel very confused by this reaction after 7 years !!

Hi Mezzie.

Others may give you the sensible answers . ''You do not need to feel threatened, and everybody needs people in their lives to love them etc.'' And I am sure these replies will all be very valid.

I am going to tell you I understand you completely. In the end our children always feel like our children however old we all get. A source of much amusement and frustration to them, and discofort to us!

We were never ''meant'' to watch our lovely family from a spectators and outsiders point of view - from the benches. Of course it hurts like hell. And for the sake of our children we have to bite our tongues. And that''s the love. Not letting them just how much it hurts us. (Having said that - I don''t believe in completely hiding it. Indicating a level of disomfort without playing the guilt card shows honesty and feeling perhaps. After all - they have to go forward in life realising that actions have consequences on others - it is part of relationships. They have to be aware of it even if they also have to make hard decisions in the future.)

Hark at me - spouting forth ''with all the answers''. I wish!! Just I understand.

Hey ho.

sf

Thanks.
I needn''t have worried. My daughter said his fiancee was nice enough and refused to be drawn into conversation about her.
Her boyfriend took me to one side & said "Stop it, she is a woman - just a woman. Totally unremarkable."
Just what I wanted to hear, bless him

I have no words of wisdom for you Mez but I know exactly how you feel, I am in a similar position. My ex even told me he would be persuading my children to make a new life with him and OW, fortunately that has not happened.
My two are constantly pressurised to accept OW by his family too so they are in a difficult situation.
You have my sympathy and I am pleased your daughter''s boyfriend was able to relieve some anxiety for you.