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  • Lymm
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22 Apr 15 #460215 by Lymm
Topic started by Lymm
Not sure memories is the right title, but today is his fiftieth birthday and even after eight months of separation I have spent a good deal of the day crying. Why you may all ask, you see my plan for today was to surprise him with a trip to Vegas and while we were there I had planned to renew our vows as we would have been married for nearly twenty years and it was to be a whole new start for us as we were planning moving to
So here I am now, he is in America with the lady he left me for, pushing for a divorce so he can marry her. I am here with my two amazing teenagers, not knowing if I will lose my house, struggling financially and basically still stunned and wondering where did it all go wrong and how did I end up here.
I seem to be back to crying every day, I know I''m awful to live with, I''m struggling with work and everything is overwhelming me. He as this new life that after twenty years we were all supposed to be living.
I feel stupid, how did I miss his affairs? How did I continue to plan our move when he had no intention of us going.how after all those years can you get it so wrong.
Will I ever get over this? The divorce is underway, the finances are not settled, he wants money to walk away and for us to stay in the house, yet he has the career and the new life. Some days I just feel like giving up but then I think no I have to protect my children and fight. He bullied me for all those years, it was his way or wrong. Well not anymore, I think I hope. I just need some strength from somewhere. I have no family anywhere near me so no real support and that''s tough. I find it hard to open up to friends, never know who you can really trust. So I hold it all in and to be honest it''s killing me.
I think I just need a hug!

  • robyn13
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22 Apr 15 #460217 by robyn13
Reply from robyn13
I feel your pain. I''d been married almost 30 years when he asked for separation in September 2014. He got engaged in Jan 2015, although we''re not divorced as yet. He''s not seen our son since Oct 2014 and contact with our daughter has been pushed by her.
He has the new life and I too am wondering what happened, we had the house on the market to downsize ad semi retire in Devon.
Counselling is helping and the book "Goodbye Mr Ex" is brilliant. I also joined "Meetups" in my locality to get me out and socialising, these are like minded people that like what you do. Have a look at meetups in your area and good luck.
Every special date caused upsets, my 30th wedding anniversary is in a couple of weeks and I know that i need to bounce back and find myself. It will get easier. Focus on what is good in your life.

  • Marshy_
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24 Apr 15 #460321 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Lymm wrote:

I think I just need a hug!

Big ((((HUGS))))

Memories is a good title. Without those, you would be none the wiser. Which is good and bad.

But perhaps paradise lost may be another title? Or really? Paradise?

We all have rosy views of something. Esp when something has been taken away. And grass greener? Really? Often not. You think he is having a great old time over the other side of the water. But count your blessings in a way. He could very well have done this to you there. Then where would you be? At least with you being here, you can starve him out. He has to pay big bucks to shift you out. Remember that. You actually hold all the cards. Except you dont know it. Think divorce punishes the impoverished? More like it makes the wealthy impoverished. Do it yourself and you will save big bucks. Then you are in the driving seat. You hold all the cards sister.

Other ways to count your blessings. Your young. The older you get the harder this is to deal with. At least he showed his true self early on. Otherwise you would have been suffering at the hands of my way or highway for years to come.

You have the kids. He has?

White Space.

Spaces in his life. You have the house and the kids. And he is 3000 + miles away.

Of course your going to mourn for the loss of what was to be. But what was it you had exactly? Thats right. It wasnt much. You had a bully who wanted his way. At least now you dont have that. Thats a plus.

So when your adding up the scores on the doors. I would say your better off without him. It may hurt right now. But its going to hurt him a heck of a lot more having a wallet extracted out of his penis trying to marry her. I know where I would rather be. Marshy.

  • AngieP
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24 Apr 15 #460327 by AngieP
Reply from AngieP
Hi Lymm

Sorry you are going through a bad time.

You have that strength inside you!!

Big Hug from Me:) x

  • itsbeenalongtime
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24 Apr 15 #460336 by itsbeenalongtime
Reply from itsbeenalongtime
Big hugs. I have asked those ?`s a million times myself. A year away from early retirement and he packs his bags and goes.Just filling in my Petition today, not feeling good but i know after years of control i can start to take my own decisions. My kids, like yours will be 100% behind you and that has got to be the best place to be.He cheated, he will cheat again. You will always have your family but make use of your friends. Hopefully you will feel better tomorrow.

  • afonleas
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24 Apr 15 #460340 by afonleas
Reply from afonleas
I send my thoughts and cwtchs to you all also.

Unfortunately none of us signed up for this,but our Ex''s decided otherwise,but in all honesty you learn massively from it.T he biggest lesson I have learnt is to really only trust yourself,okay the truth gets distorted when your feeling so low,but in moments of clarity you learn that you are your own best friend,and it is yourself that will get you through it all.
There are times when I also think that Twonk is living the dream,but reality kicks in and he is not..Only contact with one daughter and the little man,about 30 mins a week,no contact with eldest daughter at all,my family were his family also and he cut ties with them,so no real family network,he is difficult in making friends,so will struggle with that also...
So No,they are not living the dream,and part of me also thinks that if you do wrong to others,it has to haunt you somehow,so even though your losing sleep now,eventually you will sleep again,but do they??

I know that the plans that were made have now been thwarted,just amend them now,do something for yourself now,because your the ones that matter,and your still entitled to have some plans for the future.

No matter how dark these days seem,one day they will be brighter,you will get stronger,and you will have the love and respect of your kids also,which to me was a massive thing.

One thing you can guarantee with wikifolk,is a cwtch and kind word of support,so let those tears fall if they have too,we are here to catch them :)

Take care
Afon Xxxxx

  • mumof 3
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24 Apr 15 #460343 by mumof 3
Reply from mumof 3
big hugs my friend.

marshy is right as always you have your 2 beautiful kids with you and he has nothing.
you are worth far more than him and things will work out in the end for the best.

massive hugs to you
will pm you later.

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