Why.... do I feel not good 3 year on.

Hi there
Its been a while I guess

Three year ago we split. i have obtained Decree Absolute...financial order complete .. basically done and dusted.

I am still in FMH and it is on the market. I will be able to buy property outright no mortgage....

I have a very good income despite ex having a bite of it. I choose to work Part Time now... so i am financially sound--- nice car etc--- i have good health-- gym 3 times a week --friends family

So i have all the ego stuff, yet my soul hurts. Dont get me wrong I realise I am in a better position without the ex. Yeah, i have had a few dates.. yet somehow, you know , just does not feel right.

I cant figure me out . Sometimes I am cracking on then Bang I arrive home to empty house, cup where I left it .... reality time boy...yeah, reality time. That my boy sure does hurt.

I have my hobbies and music to help me along... my guitar ( comfort blanket) cant figure out what I am running away from.

Children flown the nest , scattered around.

Off soon to visit my Dutch friend in Amsterdam. go alone...

I have a couple weddings to attend ( alone) .Am I upbeat about that ... no... Why ... i dunno

Just written a grateful list and intend to keep adding. Trying to get out this negative spiral.



On the surface all looks good...... friends say i live an interesting life. Yeah, i go out a lot......looks good .. am i a running man..

Inside i know all is not well

Just wondered if i am alone with this..........anyone else felt it..

What can change it...

These emotions are darn powerful sometimes too darn powerful for my liking. ... obviously its a message I dont get .


Best
D

I certainly don''t think that you''re alone. Life as you knew it has changed forever and, when you''ve been in a long marriage, it takes time to adjust. I''m 4.5 years down the line; have sold the FMH and have my own place which I bought outright. I''m doing OK financially so far but, being self employed, I do worry about keeping myself going until retirement. I''m even in a new long-term relationship but I still sometimes have those overwhelming feelings: ''What on earth has happened?; how did this happen?; What if?

Will be ever truly get over it, I really do not know!

Hi Declan,
You are not alone at all mate. I think most of us have or still feel how you do at the moment.
I am only 1 year into my life change. Absolute should be through early June, I am buying my ex out of the FMH. Got a really good job, close network of friends and have an active social life with them. I have joint custody of my kids and the mix of family life and single life is something I really am embracing. BUT, there are times when I get home from work. The house is empty, there is no noise of kids running around, things are as a I left them before going to work, the house is still, nobody to even greet me after a hard day in the office.
I am getting used to it, but every so often I have a blip. I then miss the life I had, wonder where did it all go wrong and think about my future. I haven''t dated anyone yet and nor do I feel ready to. I need to properly fall out of love with my ex before trying to move on. I have been invited to two weddings this year with a plus one invite. I want to go but they will be events that remind me that my ex and I are no longer together.

All of my friends are partnered up - always posting on facebook when they are out and about doing stuff together - either dog walking, meals at pubs, shopping. It crushes me sometimes. That is when I feel lonely.

Emotions are a very strange thing - often we know why but sometimes we cannot justify feeling the way we do when everything around you seems good.

Keep focused mate, you have got through 3 years and by the sounds of it, have put your energy into the gym and have great family and friends around you.

And how much of a good catch are you now!!! financially sound, nice car and soon to buy a mortgage free property. Think about what you have now and what you can still achieve in your life and embrace it - take it by the balls and succeed in every way possible.

Always here for a chat if you need it pal

F. U. D.

The coffee cup where you left it, why does that matter? I have no idea but its those stupid things that always get me. Hated making Sunday roasts because it always made such a mess and everybody had an opinion as to how it could be better. but i miss every single part of it. I just never thought after 30 years that he would`nt be there.He never spent much time at home but he was always coming home. Now he is`nt. On a good note, having not been able to attend my best friends wedding in the Caribbean 5 years ago even tho it was booked and paid for, i have just accepted 2 wedding invitation for the summer. Not sure i`ll get there but at least im looking forward to them at the mo. Long way to go but hope i will have someone to put their arms around me for the right reasons one day, just not there yet. Best wishes, keep positive. your doing fine.

Hi
I''m out working so this is via my phone .

Thank you for the support . Hey FUD
Not sure any women is going go near a bloke a bit messed up no matter how much one is worth . Think that''s another acceptance to take on . Tea and cake in Amsterdam eh lol . Should brighten the day up .

Itsbeenalongtime --- you sound so positive now missed two weddings now looking forward to going to them . Big steps there well done .

I''m out now and I bet when I arrive home that coffee cup will still be on the kitchen table ... Exactly where I left it . ...
Best
D

I would say get a cleaner, but I know that does`nt remove the emotional coffee cup and books in the book case.
My friends will tell you that one day im strong and on a high,they dont come home with me and pick up that coffee cup or light the fire.
Good luck, stay strong.

Tea and Cake in Amsterdam? When are we going?